Breakups can be incredibly tough, leaving us feeling lost and broken. It's a time filled with raw emotions and difficult decisions. Navigating life after a breakup can be a challenging and emotionally turbulent journey. It's a time when mistakes are easily made, hindering the healing process and prolonging the pain. From clinging to the past to seeking revenge, we'll delve into common pitfalls that can hinder personal growth and hinder the path to moving on. By recognizing these mistakes and adopting healthier coping mechanisms, individuals can pave the way towards healing, self-discovery, and a brighter future beyond the end of a relationship. (Also read: Breakup Day: Fun things to do after a breakup instead of being sad )
"Breakups blow, they just do. But they also have the potential to be holy ground for growth, evolution and transformation! A breakup represents a breakdown, a transition, and an opportunity to rebuild. If we are unconscious of how we operate in a breakdown, we’re guaranteed to suffer and drag out our healing time. If we are intentional and conscious about how we function in our breakdown, we can use it as a catalyst for creativity, possibility and growth," says, Therapist Mollie Birney in her recent Instagram post. She further shared the eight biggest mistakes people often make after a breakup.
8 Common Mistakes People Make After a Breakup
1. Keeping tabs on their relationship status
It can be super tempting to check up on who your ex is dating or do a little innocent detective work to see if they've gotten over you, but our curiosity is rarely driven by the wisest part of ourselves. Not once in my professional (or personal) experience has checked up on an ex and helped anyone heal and move forward.
2. Binge drinking
Sure, this is exactly the treatment our culture suggests, however, our culture often provokes idiotic actions. Alcohol is a depressant and not an effective long-term strategy. Instead try: crying it out with a friend, writing shitty poetry, working with a therapist, reading self-help books, exploring your spirituality, and medication, picking up yoga, journalling, or anything that will actually get you into your feelings, not numb you from them.
3. Romanticizing the good times while conveniently forgetting the shitty ones
{{/usCountry}}Sure, this is exactly the treatment our culture suggests, however, our culture often provokes idiotic actions. Alcohol is a depressant and not an effective long-term strategy. Instead try: crying it out with a friend, writing shitty poetry, working with a therapist, reading self-help books, exploring your spirituality, and medication, picking up yoga, journalling, or anything that will actually get you into your feelings, not numb you from them.
3. Romanticizing the good times while conveniently forgetting the shitty ones
{{/usCountry}}Grief makes us yearn for what used to be, the rosy glasses of longing can filter out our critical thinking, and we may find ourselves forgetting what didn't work about the relationship. Of course, you get to reminisce about the good times. Find the discipline to remember the other times too.
4. Giving up on dating because "They were my soulmate so what's the point?"
Let's not make any big decisions about the rest of your life until you're out of the hurricane of heartbreak. It's not the time for conclusions, it's time for a beginning, and beginnings require curiosity. Also, clinging to the belief that your ex was "the one" is not a helpful narrative, and in your clearest moments, you'll realize don't even want to be right about it.
5. Toxic communication
To be clear, I mean literally communicating while intoxicated. We tend to regress and communicate recklessly when we're intoxicated, and by the time we decide we want to text our ex, our critical thinking has most definitely jumped ship. Can you imagine your highly emotional 8-year-old self trying to communicate your adult feelings? If you feel you're at risk for initiating (or responding to) toxic communication, give your phone to a friend.
6. Continuing to follow them online
Even if you've convinced yourself your interest in them is innocent, seeing reminders of your ex is going to be a distraction. Period. Right now, your job is about attending to your feelings and allowing yourself to heal.
7. Diving into a new relationship immediately
I've done it. You've done it. We've all done it. Zero judgement. Breakups can be traumatizing, and while it's comforting to wait out those gnarly feelings in the security of a new relationship, there's no such thing as kicking our feelings down the road. Taking the time to heal, grieve and let go of our old relationship is how we set ourselves up for a healthy new relationship.
8. Deciding your breakup means you've failed
A breakup isn't failure - not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime! A relationship can be complete when it's healed what it was meant to heal, taught us the lesson we need to learn, or revealed the work we have yet to do.
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