Why are some people quick to yell? Therapist Jeffrey Meltzer explains and highlights why it should not be excused

People who often yell are likely to do so to be taken seriously. This may have been shaped by their past experiences, but the behaviour is still not okay.

Almost everyone is aware of the fact that yelling is not very nice. None enjoys it when they themselves are being yelled at. Yet, some people resort to yelling very often to get their point across in many different settings.

Taking to Instagram on August 14, Florida-based therapist Jeffrey Meltzer explained why they might be inclined to do so. He also explained that while the behaviour might be understandable, it is not an excuse for those people not to try to change their habit of yelling.

Why do some people often yell?

“Maybe in the past, they tried asking calmly. They tried explaining what they needed, but the other person dismissed them or continued doing the same exact thing. Then they raised their voice, and suddenly the other person listened,” explained the therapist.

“Their brain began making a connection: ‘People do not hear me unless I get loud.’ After enough experiences like that, they may stop trying to communicate calmly altogether. Why waste time speaking gently when they expect to be ignored? So, they go straight into yelling.”

Jeffrey pointed out that from the outside, the people who yell often appear to be the reactive ones. They may appear aggressive, dramatic, or emotionally immature. But underneath that reaction may be someone who feels powerless and desperately wants to be understood.

Understanding does not mean excusing a behaviour

Jeffrey clearly stated that no matter what the cause of the behaviour is, it does not mean that yelling often is healthy. Understanding where a behaviour comes from does not mean excusing it.

“Someone's past may explain why they communicate this way, but they are still responsible for learning how to express their needs without intimidating or hurting the people around them. And the person being yelled at does not have to tolerate disrespect in order to be compassionate,” shared the therapist.

“You can recognise that someone feels unheard while still calmly saying, ‘I want to understand what you're saying. I'm listening, but I need you to speak to me without yelling’. That response communicates something they may not have experienced before: they can be heard without having to become louder,” he observed.

Over time, healthy relationships can teach people that calm communication does not always lead to dismissal. But they also have to be willing to unlearn the belief that yelling is the only way their feelings will matter, pointed out Jeffrey.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.

Jeffrey Meltzer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. He graduated with a Master's in Mental Health Counselling from the University of South Florida and has been providing therapy services for over seven years.