In a relationship, compromises, understanding, communication, trust and loyalty are needed to make things work out. The people involved in the relationship need to put equal amounts of effort to create a healthy space for intimacy, growth and happiness. However, the way we grow a relationship and relate to the relationship, is dependent on the attachment style. Explaining this, Therapist Jordan Dann wrote, "The strategies we employ for connection, the way we fight, behave, and respond begins in our earliest attachment relationships. An attachment style is the way people relate to others in the context of intimate relationships, and is heavily influenced by self-worth and interpersonal trust. Understanding your attachment style, your partner’s attachment style, and the strategies you both learned to protect yourselves as children is imperative to the success of your relationship."
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Jordan further noted down a few reasons why relationships fail:
Different expectations about attachment styles: When we start a relationship, we do not evaluate the need of talking about the attachment styles that we individually have. However, that can be one of the building blocks of a healthy relationship as it helps us to understand how to go about it in the relationship and make things work out.
{{/usCountry}}Different expectations about attachment styles: When we start a relationship, we do not evaluate the need of talking about the attachment styles that we individually have. However, that can be one of the building blocks of a healthy relationship as it helps us to understand how to go about it in the relationship and make things work out.
{{/usCountry}}Unresolved attachment trauma: Understanding and being aware of the attachment history we have further helps in understanding how the attachment style has grown. The experiences we have been through and the way we have been brought up help us to explain to ourselves why we perceive a relationship the way we do.
Failure in communicating differences: We fail to understand that conflicts and arguments in a relationship are healthy as they help us to know the partner and their perspectives better. However, when we are brought up by caregivers who failed to address their own chaos and conflicts, we learn to not do the same in our relationships as well.
Failure to develop a secure bond: When we start to shift the focus of our emotional security to a sense of shared responsibility of creating security in the relationship, we can develop a secure bond in the relationship.
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