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Friday, Oct 18, 2019

Here’s how to tell you’re leaving your partner high and dry

Ever wondered your partner may have been sexually unsatisfied forever and never brought it up with you? Find out the truth with these signs.

sex-and-relationships Updated: Aug 31, 2019 09:18 IST
Collin Rodrigues
Collin Rodrigues
Hindustan Times, Delhi
Ever wondered your partner may have been sexually unsatisfied forever and never brought it up with you? Find out the truth with these signs.
Ever wondered your partner may have been sexually unsatisfied forever and never brought it up with you? Find out the truth with these signs.(Unsplash)
         

Lovemaking is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. During the initial stages of the relationship, both partners play a proactive role when it comes to sexual matters. Often, with time, the dynamics change. This may happen for various reasons, and sometimes, people are also unable to keep their partners happy in bed. Most unsatisfied people desist from raking up the issue with their partners as it may hurt them, especially men, who consider their sexual prowess as a sign of their masculinity. However, the issue of sexual satisfaction is gender-neutral.

But as experts reveal, there are many signs that you may have missed, and which tell you that your partner maybe unhappy with the lovemaking. Here’s what to look out for:

Overworking and excessive drinking

If your partner is drinking or working more than usual, it is possible that there is a disconnect, and can also probably be because of sexual dissatisfaction. Viveck Shettyy, life coach, says, “This is their way of expressing it. They want to completely escape their sex life or the circumstances, and yet make it look natural. So, whatever little is left of it, is more out of compulsion, and less out of joy.”

Cold and unresponsive

If your partner doesn’t engage too much in conversations in bed and is also very critical of you, the real problem may be sexual dissatisfaction. Shettyy says, “This behaviour may extend to restricting much of your movement during the act, becoming cold and unresponsive, being keen on getting over with it quickly, and calling it a day.”

Diversionary tactics

Persons unhappy with their sex life will try to avoid things associated with sex or aspects leading to it. Kavita Mungi, mental health counsellor, says, “They may talk about everything other than sex, they will avoid getting intimate, and indicate a desire to not take sexual matters ahead.”

Jealousy

They may be jealous of other people’s relationships. Mungi says, “Another psychological indication of dissatisfaction is being envious of the relationships of other couples, and making sly references to the perfection of the appearance of others’ partners.”

Sudden fondness for sleaze

Some of them tend to watch more porn and rely on imagination. Shettyy says, “In the absence of real pleasure, they may resort to watching porn. Fantasy and imagination become the ideal escape route for them.”

Addressing it without hurting your partner
  • The first step to a solution, here, is clear communication about the nature of dissatisfaction between the two partners. Watch out your language and make sure it doesn’t offend or hurt your partner, otherwise it might cause a rift in the relationship, even if you were perfectly right. Once there is clarity on the issue, both partners can work towards it. They can even consult a specialist or a doctor if it needs medical attention. - Viveck Shettyy, motivational speaker and life coach

Hitting the bed early

Persons, who are unhappy with their sex life, will hit the bed early. Dr Maya Kirpalani, consultant psychologist and family therapist, says, “If this happens very often with reasons such as tiredness or the need to wake up early, etc., there is a possibility that the partner is withdrawing from having sex. Those who used to always initiate sex in the relationship will also try this trick.”

Mentally absent during lovemaking

Your partner could be unsatisfied sexually due to other factors which are not related to you, as well, and this could mean losing focus during sex.

Kirpalani says, “Look out for your partner not being mentally and emotionally present during sex or getting distracted. If this happens frequently, it could indicate dissatisfaction due to stress or other factors.”

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First Published: Aug 30, 2019 12:27 IST

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