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Monday, Sep 23, 2019

Breaking up is hard but this is definitely how you shouldn't break-up

What's the best way to dump someone? Not a post-it that reads, "I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me"! We suggest, you read this before you even think of uttering another clichéd break-up line or think of texting the bad news to your soon-to-be ex.

sex-and-relationships Updated: Nov 11, 2014 19:23 IST
Sanya Panwar
Sanya Panwar
Hindustan Times
A-representational-photo-Shutterstock( )

The cat and mouse game always starts the same. You love someone so much and then you hate them. Heaven knows, they meant the world to you and now you want to be set free. You feel stupid for all the time you gave them. It couldn't be clearer: You just want them out and you know there's no place in between.

But what's the best way to dump someone? If you had had your share of Julia Roberts and John Cusack films, oh and Sex and the City protagonist Carrie Bradshaw's weird, traumatic break-ups, you would know the answer to this in a blink of an eye. But not all of us Orange is the New Black fans can live that fantasy. To us a post-it that reads, "I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me", makes more sense. So there.

But is there really a way to have a clean and honest break-up? Is it okay to lie (a little) when ending a romantic relationship? Can you tell him/her on Facebook or Whatsapp that it's over, or do you have to do it in person, always?

We suggest, you read this before you even think of uttering another clichéd break-up line or think of texting the bad news to your soon-to-be ex.

1 Avoid the public announcement system, please: Anyone who has seen a fair share of messy break-ups would swear that the worst way to hear it is from somebody else. Just imagine: You were hoping to send texts to your besties, saying "I'm going to break up with her" but accidentally send the message to your girlfriend!" Are you kidding us? The person -- the only person -- who deserves to know this first is the person you're breaking up with, himself or herself. He/ she deserves that. Period.

2 Texting is the lowest and laziest way to break-up: The texting break-up has become stuff of legend, seen in movies and in real life too (Now, we know how one of the Jonas brothers broke up with Taylor Swift, no joke). So, let's establish something about texting: typing letters isn't efficient enough, not in all situations. When we have cell phones, you could certainly give reverting back to the 1900s a miss and communicate through written messages. Many would say, "Go for it. You've only gone on a few dates." But that's so not cool. If you are going to ruin someone's happiness for the day (or weekend… or month!), texting is not the way. A text break-up casts a nasty shadow on the entire relationship -- as if to say it was never that important anyway, no matter how eloquent you try to make a text break up.

3 Breaking up via email is beyond tacky and cowardly: You can write pages of reasons why you are ending the relationship but it just won't help -- you are still a wimp. The only plus to the email break-up is that it's a step above the text break-up, which is like saying a kick in the head is a step up from a kick on the ass. It's a proven fact that people are more open and honest through email than in person, but that doesn't make ending things through email any better. You might want to do this because it "hurts less." Hurts less? What about the poor guy whose heart you just destroyed? The dumpee always gets hurt more, no matter how guilty the dumper may feel. And if you're the e-mail dumpee, don't reply right away. First of all you are pissed -- which you should be -- and second, it will drive them crazy waiting to hear what you have to say.

4 And the rudest way is to just stop calling: This one is the zenith of rude relationship behavior. We mean, is this really an option? How old are you? If you're too chicken to end it in person, just don't try to convince yourself -- and the rest of us -- that it works! Of course, you'll never hear from them again, but that doesn't mean it's an okay thing to do. Here's what we think: Not calling and waiting for things to die out is a colossal step back for any adult. Instead of falling off the planet, try instead to be just honest! Oh yes, honesty, that little part of life that makes us human and caring. By being honest you'll save yourself tons of trouble. Chances are you'll run into them again and the last thing you need is for them to remember you as the one who never called, emailed or -- and we can't believe we're saying this -- texted back.
Just remember: Ending a relationship takes time, just as starting a new one does. You think that once you shoot the firing gun, that's it, but that's not the case. It's the beginning of a process.

First Published: Nov 11, 2014 18:58 IST