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Saturday, Oct 19, 2019

Do you know the ‘secret’ to a healthy relationship?

Think you know everything about your partner? You may be wrong. Here are a few things he/she may never reveal to you.

sex-and-relationships Updated: Sep 27, 2019 12:44 IST
Collin Rodrigues
Collin Rodrigues
Hindustan Times, Delhi
Think you know everything about your partner? You may be wrong. Here are a few things he/she may never reveal to you.
Think you know everything about your partner? You may be wrong. Here are a few things he/she may never reveal to you.(Unsplash)
         

Before you start dating someone, there is always the wooing phase. And, once you start dating the person that you wooed or liked, they’ll reveal a lot more to you than you ever expected, probably even contrary versions of what you always knew about them. But in most cases, people will never share everything with their partners — about their past or present — no matter how many years you’ve been together.

Here are a few things that experts believe will always remain hidden from a partner.

Fatal attractions

No matter how much you love your partner, they might still get attracted to their best friends or family members. Viveck Shettyy, life coach, says, “You will never have the slightest inkling of this secret kept by your partner as the truth may end up creating an awkward situation for everybody, including themselves. And so, they may decide to keep this a secret.”

Sexual history

Sex is still a taboo for many in our country. People will always hide the number of intimate relationships they’ve had. Dr Arati Suryawanshi, psychologist, says, “Some people love the idea of their partner being a virgin as it brings value to the relationship.”

How healthy is keeping secrets in a relationship? 
  • The reasons behind keeping secrets are largely dependent on the partners and the nature of the secret. However, keeping secrets from partners who have high anxiety or are over-possessive helps preserve the bond. But, if your partner gets to know about your secret from a third party, it can have serious repercussions, too. Furthermore, it is also necessary to evaluate the relevance of the secret as time passes, and understand whether revealing it or not would be of any consequence at all. In easy-going and extremely warm relationships, revealing a secret also ensures that the person concerned is no longer suffering from its burden. - Viveck Shettyy, life coach and motivational speaker

The ex effect

Dating someone who’s been in many relationships is frowned upon in India, though this thought process may have somewhat changed recently. Shettyy says, “It may be extremely difficult for an individual to reveal to their partner about the number of relationships they have had before they met. They would be extremely worried that this aspect may affect their spouse’s perception, and eventually create a lot of discomfort in their relationship.”

Shortcomings

Though you may like most things about your partner, there’ll always be something that you don’t. Tanushree Bhargava, clinical psychologist, says, “Shortcomings of your partner, especially, aspects which can’t be changed, are never revealed. These can be things that one dislikes about the partner’s looks, weight and complexion.”

Temperament

Many people have temper issues from childhood, which are mostly hidden in a relationship. Suryawanshi says, “Getting angry is not a very good sign. It can make or break a relationship, or have a devastating impact on the bond that two people share.”

In-laws issue

It is a well-known fact that most people have differences with their in-laws. Bhargava says, “People in such situations hide these differences or ill feelings that they have about their in-laws, from their partners. At the end of the day, being critical about in-laws can hamper your relationship with your partner.”

On the other hand, your partner will never reveal the kind of issues your in-laws have with you, which they will be privy to. Suryawanshi adds, “These issues can be hurtful and hard to recover from. Your partner will keep it a secret as you may always remember what they said, and later, use it as evidence that they never liked you from the beginning.”

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First Published: Sep 27, 2019 12:40 IST

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