Going through a bitter divorce? Your kids might be caught in the middle
The divorce rate in India has gone up over the years. And in a divorce, it's often the kids who are impacted the most; we look at the major concerns, and good parenting practices in such situations.sex and relationships Updated: Nov 27, 2014 19:11 IST
Hrithik Roshan and Sussanne Khan have been in the news because of their divorce proceedings. While everyone is busy talking about them besides dragging their friends in the focus has been off their two kids, Hrehaan (8) and Hridhaan (6).
Yet, from whatever public appearances they've made, the couple seems to have maintained a healthy relationship with their kids. Other celebrity couples who have been or are still locked in similar court battles include Leander Paes and Rhea Pillai, and Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
While Hrithik and Sussanne have maintained a dignified stand about their break-up, Leander and Rhea, and Tom and Katie have had a very public spat during their separation.
But it isn't just about celebrities. The divorce rate in India has gone up over the years. Last year, a national daily reported how a leading matrimonial website had started counselling centres and online campaigns to make sure that youngsters lived a happy married life. The report went on to say that such websites feared losing business because of the rise in divorces.
Divorce lawyer Umesh Chary says, "The number of divorce cases that I have been receiving over the years has increased. It's the children of these couples who have the hardest time."
A divorce can have a major effect on children, and on their upbringing. Dr Swati Popat Vats, educator and parenting counsellor, explains, "It's not the divorce or the distance from a parent caused by a separation that impacts children as much. A child is used to not seeing his parents too often because of work or travel schedules. The stress and tension between the parents, their angst, anxiety or depression spills over to the kids. At times, both parents ask the child to keep away from the other, or keep secrets from one another. The stress caused by this is destructive- emotionally, socially and cognitively," she says.
Vats is also the director of a preschool, and experiences different behavioural patterns in children of divorced parents. "At our school, we make children draw about their family. Often, they reflect the stress that many of them are experiencing at home. The squabbles, arguments and sometimes physical fights between the mother and father, or other family members leaves a negative impact on children. What compounds the problem is the tug of war that often takes place over custody," she says.