Here's how to stay hitched
A new book written by a clinical psychologist and acclaimed author details 100 ingenious tips that can revamp one’s marriage. A few of the rules given in the book include nobody can survive in a relationship where they feel more judged than admired.sex and relationships Updated: May 01, 2012 12:56 IST
A new book written by a clinical psychologist and acclaimed author details 100 ingenious tips that can revamp one’s marriage.
The book, titled Marriage Rules: A Manual For The Married And Coupled Up, has been written by Dr Harriet Lerner, the Daily Mail reported.
“It only takes one of you to make a positive change in a relationship. But the fastest way to end a marriage is to wait for the other person to change,” the Daily Mail quoted Lerner as saying.
“Some people may think they are too angry or hurt to attempt change. And being your best self and accepting the challenge of these rules may feel like you’re faking it at first — especially as many of the rules are things you don’t do naturally — but just give two or three of them a go and you’ll see a difference,” she said.
A few of the rules given in the book include warring couples to pretend that a respected guest is staying with them.
The point of this is most couples have more control over themselves than they think, and it only takes one person to keep the ‘guest’ in mind to change their relationship.
Secondly, in the courtship stage, people automatically know how to make their partner feel good. But compliments start to slip as more focus is given to criticisms.
Nobody can survive in a relationship where they feel more judged than admired.
She asks couple to bite their tongue and stop criticising — ideally restrict yourself to just one criticism per day.
The third rule advises to say less. Many men say they don’t like to talk. In truth, they’re afraid of becoming trapped in a conversation that feels awful. What often bothers men is the sheer number of sentences women can use, as well as the intensity in their voices.
Turn down the volume, slow your speech and make your point in three sentences or less.
Fourthly, even if you are feeling angry and resentful, make a concerted effort to make positive comments about your partner.
Lastly, strike when the iron is cold. When both parties are in a light mood, it is easier to say anything you want. When things are intense, it’s important to calm down first.