Best relationship advice, a rebound affair could be playing games with your mind
Best relationship advice: Have you got into an affair to get over a heart-wrenching break-up? If you are facing emotional trouble in your new relationship, it could be because of how you decided to move on after the break-up, say love experts.Updated: Jun 29, 2018 16:51 IST
The fastest way to get over someone is to get on with someone else, right? Well... maybe. While it may work that way for some people, a rebound relationship isn’t always a good idea, says Anjali Mehra, a relationship therapist from Mumbai. And, it’s definitely not a necessary part of moving on.
“Just like there’s no one right way to have a relationship, there’s no one right way to get through a break-up. So, the benefits of a rebound relationship for one person might be the exact thing that makes another feel worse. It all depends on the reasons you want to have a rebound relationship,” Anjali says.
A person might be considered on the rebound if he or she becomes involved in a relationship that shortly follows the ending of a previous one, according to Psychology Today.
Kolkata-based clinical psychologist Aparna Sengupta points out that usually a rebound immediately follows either a debilitating heartbreak or a relationship that felt mind-numbingly stagnant, after either of which, to suddenly have even a low level attraction to someone can feel transcendent when compared to the hell you just crawled out of.
“If someone is giving themselves the space they need to feel their feelings about the break-up, to process the relationship status change and loss of a partner, and communicate this clearly to their rebound partner, then it can be a helpful part of the break-up process,” Aparna says, adding, “Essentially, you have to go into it with good intentions, not because you want to get back at your ex or prove to your friends that you’re over the break-up.”
On the flip side, a rebound relationship isn’t a good idea if you’re using it to escape your emotions, Anjali says.
“If someone is using a new love interest as a way to avoid processing their feelings or doing self-care, if they aren’t being clear with their new someone about what their equation is, then a rebound relationship can feel depleting and empty,” Anjali she says.
While you won’t always know if you’re in a relationship for the right reasons (we’re human after all), Aparna says listening to how your heart, mind and body feel before, during, and after you spend time with your partner can help you realize if you’re ready.
“If it feels good after a date, and you’re still giving yourself space to process the break-up and for self-care, you’re probably on the right track,” Aparna says. “If you find that you have a negative emotional reaction after, then that might be a sign to take a step back and re-focus on yourself.”
So be honest with yourself and check in on your feelings before you go out to have a rebound relationship. It absolutely can be a helpful part of your healing process, but if you’re going into it for the wrong reasons, it can also make you feel worse.
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First Published: Jun 29, 2018 09:10 IST