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Pre-wedding jitters? Cyrus Broacha tells how to chase them off

Getting cold feet before taking the leap into wedded life? Extra-marital affair's guilt consuming you whole? Things looking dull in the bedroom? Why not ask uncle Cy for help?

sex and relationships Updated: Jul 02, 2015 15:20 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times
cyrus broacha,sex,advice

I am 24, and set to get married soon. Mine is a love marriage. But the thought that I am too young to tie the knot keeps crossing my mind, and is making me nervous. My husband-to-be is very supportive. How do I deal with these negative feelings?

— MK

Hey, hang on! Just because yours is a love marriage doesn’t mean there will be no problems. Many love marriages didn’t work out, for instance Triuolus and Cressida, Mr and Mrs Smith or Shiv Sena and BJP. The point being, there are no guarantees in life, love, politics or hair fall. But if you are going to be negative, then I say stick to politics or hair fall. There is no negativity in love. So, keep your feelings to yourself and look at all the great things going your way.

I got married last year. It was an arranged marriage. Before tying the knot, my husband wanted to spend a lot of time with me. Now that we have been married for 15 days, I feel he has started losing interest in me. He hardly talks to me. We have sex only once or twice a month. I am getting frustrated. — PJ

PJ, this is surprising news. Your husband has started losing interest in 15 days? That’s way above the world average of three days. Well done. Okay, only jesting. I think you could help reignite his love by doing things he likes, such as playing golf, bubble baths, belching, etc. But before going to a therapist, if nothing seems to work, I say write your thoughts in a letter and mail it to him.

I have been in a relationship with my friend’s wife, who lives in my neighbourhood. We have sex regularly, and also love each other. One day, while having sex, she told me that we must end this affair as she had realised that she was betraying her husband. I can’t live without her. — BBD

BBD, she sounds like a sound and sensitive woman. I mean months after starting the affair, she discovers she’s being disloyal to her husband. You have a two-pronged problem, much like the famous Thompson’s Gazzelle. Of course, the Thompson Gazzelle’s two-pronged problem is the lion and the leopard. Yours is much less dangerous; just love and sex. You must do what Nicollo Machiavelli did when he was asked by his landlord to pay more rent. Nicollo asked himself if the rent justified the means. He then decided it didn’t, and refused to pay the rent ever again. This, he did, by burying his landlord alive; a practice still present in remote parts of Italy. So, it is quite simple really; you both need to ask yourselves if the sex and love you get from each other is worth the betrayal, stress and guilt.

I have been married for 14 years, and I have two daughters. My wife is interested in other men, and I am interested in other women. She has told me she doesn’t love me. Yet, I have never cheated on my wife. But I’m sure she has cheated on me because her parents are rich. I want to get rid of these urges. What do I do? — UK

UK, it’s a question of left slipper, right slipper. According to the Chinese contortionist Ping Shing Shu, both the slippers coexist, work together and form a service for your feet. Yet they need never be friends. Now if your wife and you don’t love each other, then maybe you can come to an arrangement about what roles you play in each other’s lives. Otherwise you could simply separate. But act fast before the urges act for you.

Just write to uncle cy And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

First Published: Jul 02, 2015 15:04 IST