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Seriously Cyrus: Love is like a mutual fund, always subjected to a return

Cyrus Broacha gives you advice on love, relationships and more.

sex and relationships Updated: Apr 09, 2019 18:14 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times, Delhi
Seriously Cyrus,Cyrus Broacha,Relationship tips
From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.(Unsplash)

I am a 30-year-old man. I have been married for the last 3 years and things are going fine. However, I somehow feel that we are slowly losing the emotional connect between us. What should I do? - TK

TK, in his book ‘5 min More’, Dr Ropeland Harris explains that in relationships, even an extra five minutes can break the Marginal Utility of the product. That is, if you overstay you are welcome by even 5 minutes, the relationship goes into decline. To prove his point metaphorically, Ropeland dropped eleven of his friends in ice-cold water and forced them underwater for 5 minutes beyond their capacity which was roughly about 20-30 seconds. Ropeland’s medical license was cancelled, as a result of these 11 deaths. But his ‘Law of Expiry’ stays with us….er without an expiry date.

TK, once you past that ‘5 minutes’, too much state, the relationship is on a downward spiral. You can’t force emotional connections, sometimes the product can only last, so long after the date of ‘manufacture’. Try and go on a holiday alone with her to expose the depth of your feelings. If at the end of the holiday if you want her to pay for it, then you know exactly where you stand.

I am a 26-year-old woman. I like a guy in my workspace but not really sure if he is single. We speak very formally and strictly professionally. How do I get to know him better if he is only being professional? - RS

Thomas Furnishingham invented the game of tennis, as a way to explain love. Hence Tennis has scoring terms like, love all. Even the basic concept of tennis is the basic concept of love. That is in both cases you must warm up. Also in tennis, as in love, you hit the ball to your partner, who must then return the ball to you. Hence, one can summarise, that love is like a mutual fund, it’s always subject to returns.

So, RS concentrate on what this guy returns to you. Ask him for some work-related advice. But tell him you don’t want to talk about it where other colleagues can hear you. Suggest a coffee shop, far away from office. Thus you have lobbed the ball to him, now you have to wait for his return. If he makes lame excuses, he’s clearly not into you. If he agrees, then you’ve got yourself a Wimbledon Single’s final.

I am a 32-year-old woman. I have been dating a younger for the last 2 years and I want to settle down with him. However, my parents are not agreeing to this stating that he is younger. How do I convince them? - SM

SM, did you know the Shakespeare gave the world some very popular insults like (a) Maggot Pie, (b) Onion-eyed, and (c) toad spotted? Now don’t be hasty, I don’t want you to insult your prospective in-laws. There will be plenty of time for that after they accept you. My point is to try to make an impression, to show them how wise you really are. Like knowledge of Shakespeare, or Understanding of Modern Art, or even better, knowing the dialogues of all Jugal Hansraj films by heart. Once they realise, your wisdom exceeds your ears it will be much easier for them to deal with you. However, if all else fails, here are some higher grades of insults you can use on them. (a) Folly-fallen, (b) Clack-dish, (c) Apple – John, and (d) Whey-face…..That Bard could abuse.

I am a 23-year-old boy. I have never been in a relationship till date. However, I’ve had crushes in the past. But there is this girl in my locality and I am sure she is more than a crush to me. How should I approach her? We’ve never had a conversation before. - PV

Always approach from the front. If you approach from behind you’ll appear to be like a stalker. People who approach from behind are generally (a) Murderers, or (b) Leopards. PV, I’ve said this a million times, even if you are a creep, (and most of us men are creeps), don’t creep her out. If she feels you are up to something she will bolt. Be upfront, but not overbearing. First, all you need is a smile and a greeting. This greeting could be, just ‘Hi’. Or it could be just ‘Hoo, Haa, or humm. Then let her respond. Stick to this greeting, for a while, if she also initiates greeting soon, then a small conversation is imminent. Please don’t rush, and please be clear and upfront. Once she’s comfortable about you, you can then take the lift to level 2.

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First Published: Apr 08, 2019 17:45 IST