Finding minor faults in a relationship and being too fussy about them all the time is referred to as nitpicking. "Working towards a healthier relationship can be challenging, but the rewards are well worth the effort. Nitpicking your partner is destructive and prevents intimacy from growing," wrote Therapist Benjamin Ekorhi. Here are some of the root causes of nitpicking in a relationship.
When we are brought up in dysfunctional families, going back home to meet relatives can be a distressing thing to do, especially during the holiday season. "During the festive season, the saying - blood is thicker than water - often emphasises family bonds amid the joy of Christmas. However, this sentiment doesn’t dismiss the layers of dysfunction that can exist within families. It’s important to acknowledge that while this time signifies togetherness, it doesn’t overshadow the complexities and potential toxicity within familial relationships," wrote Therapist Lalitaa Suglani. Here are a few toxic family patterns often repeated during the holidays.
Having emotionally immature parents can be very frustrating. This often adds up to childhood trauma, fear of abandonment and constant sense of resentment in relationships. With the holiday season making its way, it is possible that we will need to spend time with our parents. However, expecting that they will magically become emotionally mature is something that won't happen. "Remember, the endless cycle of trying to fix your emotionally immature parents or have them show up for you will leave you burnt out and stressed," wrote Therapist Morgan Pommells. Here are a few tips to protect ourselves.
People-pleasing is a harmful behaviour pattern. It makes us prioritise others to the point that we end up betraying our own needs. "Moving beyond these thoughts is about creating a new narrative for ourselves, one where our self-worth isn't tied to how much we can please others," wrote Therapist Klara Kernig as she shared a few thoughts that fuel our need for people-pleasing.
When we do not address the conflicts in the relationship for a long time, it can accumulate and slowly grow into resentment and frustration. "Resentments left unchecked tend to build, escalate, and spiral out of control. They become a wall that creates distance, which often feels safer than addressing the issue head-on. As resentments accumulate, so does the pain, making it challenging to empathise and offer kindness," wrote Therapist Jordan Green. Here are a few reasons that can lead to resentment in a relationship.
With the holiday season approaching, we are all set to meet our family and relatives. Among them, some people may be difficult for us to handle. This can happen due to unpleasant experiences or trauma from the past. "The 3 A’s - Avoid, Acknowledge, Accept," wrote Relationship Specialist Rose Viggiano as she shared a few tips on how to avoid difficult people during the holiday season.
When two people with secure attachment style get together in a relationship, they learn to be more patient, more understanding and more loyal in the relationship. Their attachment is based on trust and confidence. They also learn to address conflicts efficiently and create a healthy space for positive growth. Relationship Expert Julie Menanno shared a few ways by which securely attached couples stay strong in a relationship.
In a relationship, it is important to address and de-escalate a conflict to stop it from going out of control. "The secret to de-escalation of conflict is to recognise and attend to the vulnerable spots in ways that don’t engage in negativity, shame, blame, or criticism," wrote Therapist Jordan Dann. Here are a few ways to de-escalate a conflict.
When a relationship ends or changes form, there is a certain sense of sadness. It actually starts from the roots of being nostalgic of the situations that existed in the past form of the relationship. "Relationship grief isn’t just about someone you love passing away, it’s about the grief that comes when you have to let go of an idea you had for your future. It’s when you have to grieve the future you wanted to share with someone or when you have to let go of the idea that your family will look a certain way," wrote Therapist Lalitaa Suglani.
There are times when we have severe doubts in the relationship. When this goes on for a prolonged period of time, it can be very unsettling for us and can affect the health of the relationship. "Having doubts about your relationship can feel highly unsettling. But what if it’s not all bad? What can your doubts teach you? How can you use them to be more honest with yourself and your partner? What are your doubts trying to alert you to," wrote Relationship Coach Marlena Tillhon.
With the holiday season approaching, we are already planning what to give our loved ones. Our romantic partners also deserve the best of everything from us. This holiday season, instead of materialistic gifts, we can give them the gifts of our love, care, understanding and loyalty and help in making the relationship a healthy one. Therapist Divya Robin shared a few gifting tips.
Working on ourselves is the best thing that we can do for ourselves. Putting effort and pampering ourselves, spending time to understand ourselves and working to become better versions of ourselves are important. However, sometimes we become very harsh self-critics and detach from ourselves emotionally. "Working on our relationships with ourselves can feel big and overwhelming. But it really comes down to one thing… Your thoughts about you," wrote Relationship Coach Rebecca Ore. Here are a few signs that we need to work on ourselves.
We often find ourselves being a wingman or wingwoman to our friend with star-gazing eyes who does not have a clue whom they gazed yesterday or doesn't know how to approach their crush and so it is our duty as their wingperson to step in, be supportive and help our friend shine. Being a good wingman or wingwoman involves supporting and assisting a friend in their social interactions, especially in the context of dating however, it is important to adapt your approach based on the situation and always prioritise your friend's comfort and preferences. To sort your woes, we rounded up some effective tips to be an effective and supportive wingperson to your friend -
In a relationship, certain requests can vary depending on the attachment style of the person. However, some requests are valid to be asked. Sometimes, people with avoidant attachment style may think that the requests are too much. "Someone else’s discomfort, or inability to give them, or anger about your request doesn’t mean that you’re wrong for asking," wrote Relationship Expert Rikki Cloos.
Secure attachment takes time to develop in a relationship. A deeper connection and a healthy space for developing emotional intimacy in a relationship makes it stronger with time. "Secure Attachment doesn’t happen randomly. It comes from authentic connection and safe communication….and everyone can learn how to get there, even if you didn’t grow up in an environment that taught you how. Your truest self is meant to connect," wrote Relationship Expert Julie Menanno. Here are a few ways to grow secure attachment.
Grief is natural after a breakup. When any kind of relationship goes through a termination, it is natural to feel that sadness. However, often breakups are the chance to start something new. "Breakups are not just an ending; they're a new beginning. They provide you with a unique opportunity to redirect all the love and energy you were pouring into the other person, back into the most important relationship of all: the one you have with yourself," wrote Therapist Jordan Green. Here are a few ways to support ourselves after a breakup.
There are four types of stress response that the nervous system shows when it senses a threat. "Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. These responses are deeply rooted in our evolutionary survival mechanisms, and understanding how they show up in relationships can be eye-opening. It's essential to recognize that these responses are not fixed traits, but rather learned behaviors shaped by past experiences and beliefs. Individuals might also exhibit a combination of these responses depending on the context and the specific relationship challenges they encounter," wrote Therapist Jordan Green. here's how the four F's manifest in relationship dynamics.
Being with an anxious partner can be challenging. However, with a little patience and understanding, we can foster growth and healing. "Together, you can navigate the path beyond anxiety, growing emotionally, and fostering a nurturing, understanding bond," wrote Psychologist Benjamin Ekorhi as she shared the signs of an anxious partner healing and growing emotionally.
Each person has their own attachment style. While some have anxious attachment style, some are avoidant attachers. Being with a person with avoidant attachment style can be difficult. "Just like the way your brain works is about you and not them - the way their brain works is about them and not you. Working on creating safety and security for yourself, instead of believing it’s up to them, is going to help you feel a hell of a lot better in your relationship," wrote relationship Coach Rebecca Ore. Here are a few reminders for people with avoidant partners.
When we do not communicate well in a relationship, it can invite a lot of problems and sufferings. "You want to need each other. You want to bounce ideas off each other, brainstorm together, problem-solve, and come up with possibilities together! And let's not forget you would like to feel loved, valued, and deeply connected to this person," wrote Relationship Coach Julia Woods as she shared a few signs that show that we are not communicating well.
As we learn to set our boundaries, we should be extremely mindful of the boundaries set by the partner in a relationship. "It is completely okay if you feel annoyed, frustrated, sad, or confused when your partner states a boundary and it’s not what you want to hear. Your feelings are always valid, but sometimes your behavioral reaction to them may not be," wrote therapist Sadaf Siddiqi. Here are a few ways to respond to boundaries that have been set by the partner.
Often, we distance ourselves in a relationship for some time – this comes from the intention of sorting our emotions and making ourselves calm before addressing certain situations and triggers. "When an avoidant or distant partner takes space, it’s more likely for one of the above reasons than it is to hurt/punish you. Now, this doesn’t mean that the distance doesn’t hurt. It also doesn’t mean you should sit back and not talk about it hurting," wrote Therapist Rikki Cloos. Here are a few reasons why we distance ourselves in a relationship.
Relationships require a lot of effort, understanding and communication to create a healthy space for connections, intimacy, trust and loyalty. "If you are continuing to struggle with ongoing conflict, disconnection, resentments, lack of intimacy, and so on. You’ve got to start with the root of the issue," wrote Therapist Elizabeth Fedrick as she shared five tips on how we can transform a relationship.
"The constant use of shaming behaviors in a relationship can have a strong spillover effect, too. It may lower the person’s self-esteem and trust and affect other areas like work, friendship, and personal development," wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi. Here are a few signs that we may be shaming our partner.
A relationship demands a lot of effort from both ends to create a healthy space for exchange of emotions. An equal amount of effort should be put in by the partners to help in creating a healthy relationship. "It’s no secret that relationships require care and effort from each partner. While you can’t control your partner or how they show up to the relationship, you can nurture your own self-awareness and take responsibility for what you do or don’t contribute to the relationship," wrote Psychotherapist Emily H Sanders. Here are a few ways of doing our part in a relationship.
Trust forms one of the foundation blocks in a healthy relationship. "As a human, your brain is wired to need emotional connection and physical comfort from the person (people) you are close to. In order for someone to meet these needs, there has to be trust between both people," wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi. Here are a few things that can build trust in a relationship.
In a relationship, when we are with a partner who is in control of their own emotions and can receive emotions in a healthy manner, it becomes a healthy relationship. "Receptive partners invest in themselves and the relationship. They prioritise their own healing and develop the skillsets needed to meet the needs of another," wrote Psychologist Nicole LePera. Here are the signs of a receptive partner.
Emotional intimacy forms one of the foundation blocks of a healthy and happy relationship. "Great relationships aren't great because there are no problems. They're great because both people care enough about the other person to make it work," wrote Therapist Lalitaa Suglani. The expert further noted down a few signs of emotional intimacy in a relationship.
Any relationship has its own share of difficult conversations. The way we behave and respond in a tough situation and uncomfortable conversation determines the health of the relationship. "Having tough conversations in a respectful manner can be overwhelming if this behavior wasn’t modeled on you growing up, and you didn’t have chances to observe it," wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi. Here are a few tips shared by the expert.
Often in a relationship, we feel trapped. This can happen due to the sense of the relationship being over from our end, but not finding the way to get out of it. In such cases, we need to reflect on the ways that we have tangled ourselves in the relationship and the reasons why we are not able to find a way out. Relationship Coach Marlena Tillhon shared a few reasons why we may feel trapped in a relationship.