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Man says parents cancelled Christmas gatherings over his 'lack of achievements': 'They can't bear to face relatives'
Singapore man says his parents cancelled Christmas gatherings as they were “embarrassed” by his “lack of achievements” compare to his cousins.
A 28-year-old man from Singapore has said that his parents cancelled all Christmas family gatherings this year because they were embarrassed by what they called his “lack of achievements” compared to his cousins.
In a Reddit post titled “How do you manage high expectations from your family?”, the man wrote that he was raised in a high-achieving Chinese family where careers such as law, medicine, finance and top corporate roles were considered the norm. He said many of his relatives were CEOs, founders or senior executives, and even his younger cousins were already working in prestigious, high-paying jobs.
The man shared that he graduated with a low GPA, lost his first job this year and has since struggled to find work. He added that a major mistake at his former workplace contributed to the company’s shutdown, and his case was later discussed publicly by the firm’s owner on podcasts - without naming him - which further compounded his shame.
“Ever since I was fired, there has been a significant change in my parent’s attitude. For example, hardly speaking to me. Today, my parents finally snapped and cancelled all the Christmas family gatherings we were supposed to attend,” the man shared.
“They started screaming at me saying how I am a complete embarrassment to them and that they can’t bear to face my relatives. They then went on ranting about how my cousins of my age are already doctors or department heads of MNCs and buying their first home or car while I’m jobless and whether I felt any shame and why can’t I be like them,” he continued.
The man also wrote that he has a highly successful older sibling who is well known in Singapore in his field, and frequent comparisons intensified his distress. He said he has been struggling with anxiety and depression since university and now feels “hopeless”.
“I am embarrassed and have been living with anxiety and depression ever since I got fired and even before that when I failed to graduate with distinction something all my cousins and relatives did (I tried my best in Uni, no distractions and disciplined in my studies but I still struggled). But I never thought my lack of achievements meant that much to them and this is the first time I have been told that they are embarrassed of me,” the OP wrote.
Seeking advice, he asked the Reddit community for guidance. “For all those who have been feeling the weight of high expectations from your family, how do you manage it, how do you move on?” he asked.
(Also Read: Employee alleges CEO intervened with new employer and got offer revoked: 'Emotionally manipulated me')
Social media reactions
Reddit users responded to the post criticising the parents’ behaviour.
“I don’t think your situation calls for solutions to manage your family’s high expectations. They are the ones failing you. You’re their child and instead of supporting you (the irony they have the resources most people dream of) they shit on you and they compare you to others to make you feel worse. The worst part is they let your relatives shit on you too. Screw their expectations they are TERRIBLE parents,” one user wrote.
“Ignore them and if you can’t, move out. Parents who truly love you would not only not find you an embarrassment, but support you through this difficult time. Your parents sound incredibly toxic and unsupportive, which will only make it even harder for you to get out of this rut,” commented another.
(Disclaimer: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.)
