E-Paper
H-1B holder torn between US career and moving to India to care for grieving mother
From visa backlogs to mental health, an H-1B holder opens up about the "crushing guilt" of choosing between his US life and his mother in India.
After a decade in the US, a 35-year-old H1-B holder found himself at a crossroads that no amount of professional success could resolve. Following the sudden death of his father, he is now the primary emotional anchor for his grieving mother in Hyderabad. However, two previous attempts to move back to India left him struggling. In a Reddit post, he shared that now he faces a heartbreaking choice: preserve his mental health and US career, or return to a lifestyle he can no longer navigate to care for his mother.
“Torn between my H1-B career and moving back to India to support my grieving mother,” the Reddit user wrote.
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Explaining his situation, the NRI wrote, “I’m a 35-year-old single male on an H1-B, living in the US for 10 years. I recently lost my father to a sudden heart stroke. My mother, who relied on him completely, is currently with me in the US on a visitor visa, but her 6-month stay is ending soon.”
He continued, “I have siblings in the US, but I’ve always been the one primarily responsible for our parents' care to avoid putting pressure on them. One of my brothers plans to move back to India next year, but for now, the weight is on me. My mother is uneducated and specifically prefers my care over anyone else's.”
He added, “I am completely torn. On one hand, the thought of leaving her alone in India is eating me alive. On the other hand, I’ve tried living back home twice (6 months in 2020 and a full year in 2024), and honestly, I struggled immensely.”
He talked some more about the hurdles he faced when he tried settling in India. The Redditor also discussed his dilemma. He ended the post by seeking advice from other Reddit users.
What did social media say?
An individual suggested, “Sorry for your loss and the predicament you are in. If I may suggest, would it be possible for you to take a 3-month leave and be with your mother in India, then ask one of your siblings to do the same, so that you can cover the next 6 to 9 months (depending on the number of siblings and the leaves each can afford to use). After that, you can bring her back to the US for another 6 months until one of your siblings who is going to settle down in India is stable after moving.” The OP replied, “I really appreciate this, you’ve actually described the exact plan I tried to put in motion. Unfortunately, the current visa situation has made it impossible. I am due for visa stamping, and because of the current backlog, I can’t get an appointment until 2027, which means if I leave the US now, I may not be able to get back in to work. While my brother can manage the first two months, I simply don’t have the legal flexibility to bridge the rest of the year. It’s incredibly frustrating to have a logical plan on paper that is completely blocked by the reality of the H1-B visa system.”
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Another expressed, “You have the answer. Do what makes your soul soothe. Blessings can move mountains.” A third commented, “Just be with your mom. You will never regret the cost, EVER!” A fourth wrote, “Prioritise and take care of your needs. Your mom is an adult, she has had a good life, and you can find her some help locally to manage for now.”
(Disclaimer: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.)
