Men need to charm women and not chase them: Sidharth Malhotra
On Valentine’s Day, actor Sidharth Malhotra gives a gentleman’s guide to a woman’s heart.bollywood Updated: Feb 13, 2017 20:01 IST
That’s the gentlemanly philosophy of the very dishy Sidharth Malhotra. On Valentine’s Day, the much sought-after Delhi boy tells us how it’s important to not pursue a woman but to give her utmost dignity and love.
What are your ‘guidelines’ to a woman’s heart?
■ In today’s time, a man has to accept women’s strength and admit to his weaknesses. That’s the basis of a modern-day relationship with a woman.
■ I genuinely feel that boys or men need to charm women and not chase them. Sometimes, a few boys use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to chase women and eve-tease. That’s a strict no-no because a man doesn’t do that. We come into the world through the fairer sex, and so we need to respect them even more.
■ There have been some extremely obnoxious and worrisome instances of late. As a man, it’s embarrassing to hear that boys are doing things such as making videos and putting them up online for fun. It is extremely disgusting and upsetting.
■ In this regard, I am, in fact, angrier with the fathers. I know how I have been brought up. Our first impression of how a man should behave [with women] comes from our fathers. So, I think somewhere, fathers are to be blamed for this. They have to become proactive in teaching [their sons] how to treat women and behave.
Ideally, how would you woo a girl?
■ I would start with a telephone conversation to politely ask her if she is free and can meet me or not. It goes perfectly once you have the perfect time and place. Then, it’s about doing something special for her.
■ I will try and surprise her at the chosen place. Maybe, I will take her to a place she has no idea about. A guy should do his homework well. I think girls like men to do something that she hasn’t said openly; something that a girl could have mentioned casually.
■ If I remember that special thing, I should work on it. For instance, if she has mentioned about a special cuisine, I’d take her for an outing at a special place and surprise her with that food. I would pay attention to minute details, and turn it into something big. But the first and foremost thing is listening. It’s very important. If I listen, then I am in a good space.
In today’s day-and-age, do you think the definition of a gentleman has changed?
It’s sad that women’s impression of men is changing. Girls are now afraid to meet a new boy instead of being excited. It’s extremely shameful. The culture of chivalry is dying, and we need to bring it back. We should be men and respect women, and that’s what my father has always taught me. I feel it’s a big responsibility for a man to bring up a child, especially a boy, and teach him proper values and how to be a gentleman.
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Do looks matter a lot when it comes to relationships?
I don’t think so. You could be the best-looking person around, but if you don’t listen to the girl and make her feel special, I don’t think it is going to last. Well, looks may make you easier on the eyes, but if there’s no conversation to make and no attention to detail, things won’t last for long. I believe in longevity.
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What about intelligence?
Relationships can’t only be about intelligence. They also have to be about your emotional quotient, the quality of conversation and even the attention span of the two individuals. Things like these attract me to a woman. It’s all about the quality of time I spend with her, and how she makes me feel. If we can inspire and encourage one another or if we can confide in each other. That’s more attractive and exciting for me.
You live alone in this city. Do you feel Mumbai is a great place for singles?
Mumbai is heaven for single people (smiles). It’s the best city to be single. You meet people from all cultures and cities. In fact, it’s a very metropolitan city by nature, and it’s also welcoming and culturally diverse. For instance, the city has accepted me with open arms when it comes to social gatherings and even dating. It has the most happening dating scene in India, with an exciting mix of people from all over the country as well as expatriates. So, it makes for a great place to mingle, and I hope that culture carries on.
MY FIRST KISS:
It happened around class nine or ten. We were unaware of such things and I would call it an innocent thing. It was a very cutesy kind of a thing; we didn’t know how to express our affection physically. Nonetheless, over the years, with practice, I have become better (laughs).
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MY FIRST PROPOSAL:
It was the same girl who I dated first. At that time, I didn’t know how to tell a girl ‘I love you’ or ‘would you be my girlfriend?’ outright. So, I made a pattern in my mind that if she hangs out with me for at least half-an -hour after school, and if I gather the courage to hold her hand on the third day, then I could call her my girlfriend. So, it took some days for me to muster up the courage to hold her hand. Then, we just smiled and it became a regular thing. The entire school got to know about it. So, I didn’t have to propose; time did it for me.
MY FIRST CRUSH:
I was in class eight. I was brought up in south Delhi, and there was this very cute girl in our colony’s club. I fact, I had mustered the courage to talk to her once, but she was already dating someone else. So, being a chivalrous gentleman, I backed off.
MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP:
That happened in class 11, I guess. I dated my first girlfriend for about three years. The relationship lasted till I went to college. After that, unfortunately, I had to move out of Delhi, so geography came in the way and we had to part ways. We are still in touch, though, via other people. She is a great friend.