Armaan Jain, Deeksha Seth
*Honestly, it took us a while to put Lekar Hum... in a particular bracket. It's trailers and promos had us believe it is a 'romantic comedy'. After suffering two-and-a-half hours of this Armaan Jain-Deeksha Seth starrer, we thought it fitted the 'thriller' genre better. Why? Because nothing in the film falls in the realms of logic. Okay, correction. Lekar Hum... cannot even be called a thriller now.
Let's try to figure out what's happening in the film. Two people fall in love, they fall out of it, and by the last frame, come back together again (for no apparent reason this time). Let's not confuse you more than what you are already. Here's the story.
Two friends, Dinesh and Karishma (aka Dino and K, because a movie in 2014 just cannot do without abbreviations) decide to have a marriage of convenience as their parents are getting too hard to handle. Dino's dad thinks he is worthless, and dotes on his elder brother, an MBA: big brother is lovingly called AP, short for Agyakari Putra (seriously, this needs to end). Karishma (K, remember?), belongs to a South Indian family of the mighty Shettys and is being pushed to get married as soon as she turns 20. Since Dino and K are "best friends", they decide to help each other and run away, both the sets of families in tow. The two get married, and the film takes a sharp turn for the worse: the two find themselves in a Mao-infested area (they even get to dance with naxals), almost kill each other, come back home... and file for divorce!
Let's make things easier for you (believe us, we are trying very hard).
Read: Kapoor family is all about noise, food pollution: Armaan Jain
This section is definitely going to be very short.
First things first: AR Rahman's music fails to deliver anything exceptional. Khalifa is perhaps the only stand out, but the rest of the soundtrack is nowhere near what one expects from the maestro.
Deeksha Seth's acting abilities may not be excellent, but in a film of such mediocrity, her performance seems worthy of an Oscar (you guessed it right, we're not serious). Truth be told, she's the only cool breeze in a horrid, dry desert.
Yes, that is it.
Armaan Jain was a disappointment. He belongs to the Kapoor 'khandaan' and apparently acting runs in his veins …umm. We failed to find any. But hey that's just us. Very few newcomers are able to make their mark in the first run and sadly Armaan Jain isn't one of them. He overacts even when he is supposed to just stand in a corner. The only two good scenes with him were when he was getting thrashed by his dad in an elevator, and one where his mother was slapping the stars out of him (or maybe because the actors playing the parents were good).
Varun Badola plays a cameo in the movie and we wish he hadn't. He seemed so unperturbed even with the short five minutes that he was on screen. He plays the 'cool' uncle to Dino (cool just because he drinks and smokes, oh kids…) who lets them in his house.
The Downright Torturous
Logic, we were told in school, comes naturally to humans. From what we've seen in recent films (read Humshakals and this one), it is a rare entity in Bollywood. The movie never tells us when, and how, Dino and K fall in love. We don't even know why they broke up. Ah, we were shocked when the two came back together!
Consider this. K is madly in love with Dino, cares for him no end and promises she'll never desert him. The next moment, she is furious at him, blames him for everything wrong in her life and is even ready to kill him. Why? Because she had to go pee in the open in the forest!
And then we have such lyrics in the film:
Pintak piya sajni bawali
Chhappan chhuri, Chhattisgarhi
Ankhiyan teri, naxalwaadi
Armaan Jain actually dances to this song in a forest in Dantewada with Maoists. For company, he has some skimpily-clad women, with one of them (who looks like Sania Mirza's doppelganger) shaking her bust uncontrollably for full four minutes! Now you know why we called this section torturous?
There was this one scene which requires special mention: Deeksha has just signed her divorce papers and Armaan sees two drops of tears where she signed, he tries to look at her face and she turns to the camera with tears brimming in her eyes. And with the turn, ensues such sheer melodrama that was last seen in 1970's. She turns and in the background plays some really loud heartbreaking music and more heartbreaking lyrics. The sound of palms slapping to the forehead in the theatre was even louder, though.
One dialogue from the film sums it up aptly for us: "yaar ye toh epic fail hogaya!" Watch it only if your life depends on it.