Comedian Sorabh Pant on why every day is April Fools’ Day
Sorabh Pant on the absurd times we live in, where everything seems like a prankHT48HRS_Special Updated: Mar 31, 2017 16:48 IST
April Fools’ Day is a day where you go in expecting one thing and get something completely different. That is exactly like life. You wanted to be a back-up dancer for Prabhudeva? April Fools’ Life: You’re a chartered accountant. You wanted to be an Engineer and an MBA? April Fools’ Life: You’re Chetan Bhagat (That joke’s on us).
The intention of April Fools’ is to prank people. That was valid for a time when sincerity was a valid human emotion. Not now. Everything seems like a prank. Whether it’s the men leading UP, Tamil Nadu, Manipur, North Korea, America or Russia. All of them look like they’re in an episode of Punk*d. And, the punch line is the annihilation of the world. Who will bring it forth? That’s the big prank. We’ll all be laughing our heads off — literally — because our bodies will melt in the nuclear winter.
Nothing in the news sounds like reality. It all sounds like we’re in a sitcom version of The Matrix.
Let’s round it up
A guy whose job it was to be the laugh track for Kapil Sharma was on the verge of becoming Chief Minister of Punjab.
A guy who essentially did a tax ‘scam’ of $1 billion represented the downtrodden in the US, and won.
A Russian dude, allegedly the richest man on Earth, with assets worth $200 billion, may have helped another billionaire secure the above win.
Please tell me Abdul Kalam will come back to life and tell us, “Sorry, it was a joke. And guys like me still exist.”
You can’t believe in anything. And, sometimes, that includes news. Dr Shawna Pandya became the first Indian to be shortlisted for a NASA space mission. It was amazing, India was proud. Every newspaper and news channel carried the news. Turns out, it was as far from the truth as a Mulayam Singh Yadav speech. Nobody bothered to confirm it, because who has the time?
Whether it’s tracking chips on Rs 2,000 notes — even though making such a chip would cost more than Rs 2,000. And, have zero purpose. “We’ve tracked your note. It’s inside your chaddis at the dhobi. Congrats.”
India is the #1 country on Earth as per UNESCO. Because, when they’re not running a specialised agency, UNESCO is essentially IMDb for countries.
We want to believe the best and the worst of the world. And won’t let Googling or doing a basic internet search stop us from sharing unconfirmed news.
The onset of the end of the world, also known as Trump becoming the most important man on Earth, is part of the problem. That man believes no news about him, unless it’s good. I remember reading somewhere that actor Neil Nitin Mukesh has an entourage that only tells him good things about his career. I got the news on WhatsApp, so it must be true. Trump is the Neil Nitin Mukesh of politics.
And, there is an entire new kind of news called ‘alternative facts’ that is 100% true because it shows that Trump is the champion of humanity, Putin is an incarnation of Gandhiji, Hillary Clinton is the leader of Al Qaeda with all liberals and Muslims as her army…
The only verifiable way to confirm any news these days is to be there on the ground to confirm the news. Or, more realistically — just Google and double check it before you spread it. Until we all start doing that, the whole world will be a giant program playing a loop of April Fools’ Day. We’ll never know if something is a prank, the truth, or an alternative fact.
P.S. I’ve just been confirmed as the first comedian to go on a NASA space mission. Please spread this real news.
(Pant is a comedian and the founder of East India Comedy. You can follow him on Twitter @hankypanty.)
Sorabh Pant tours with his new stand-up show, Rant of the Pant, on May 13. More details on sorabhpant.com/tickets
First Published: Mar 31, 2017 00:00 IST