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Our favourite Bollywood cliches

This week’s issue is all about #Dialoguebaazi. We’ll get into the specifics in a bit, but here’s a teaser.

brunch Updated: Apr 07, 2015 18:39 IST
Saudamini Jain and Asad Ali

This week’s issue is all about #Dialoguebaazi. We’ll get into the specifics in a bit, but here’s a teaser.

“Inhe dawaaon ki nahi, duwaayon ki zarurat hai”
But nobody ever explained what a duwa is. Is it ‘get well soon’ or more like, ‘rest in peace’?"Rakesh, main tumhare bacchhe ki maa banne wali hoon"

We’d rather say, in a chirpy Sadhna voice, ‘Rakesh, tum deddy banne waale ho’

“Meri beti toh laakhon mein ek hai”
Because you know, she can cook and sing and dance and play badminton

Also read: Brunch Bollywood Special: #Dialoguebaazi

“Apne aap ko police ke hawaale kardo”
Too late for it, though. You’re busted, mister

“Bhagwan, maine aaj tak tumse kuch nahi maanga”
‘Magar aaj tumse zindagi maang rahi hoon’

“Ek baar mujhe maa kahkar pukaro, beta”
Not creepy at all. #OedipusComplex"Bhagwan tera lakh-lakh shukr hai"

Not lakh, not crore. It’s always lakh-lakh

“Main tumhara ehsaan zindagi bhar nahi bhoolungi
We need to bring this one back

“Main kahan hoon?”
Hospital, genius. White aluminium beds, bandages, fussy nurses and the smell of disinfectant. Doesn’t look like Hawaii, does it?"Maine injection laga diya hai, kuch der mein hosh aa jayega"

This dialogue is precisely why we’re nervous around real docs. We need some of that warm reassurance from an old gentleman in a white coat in real life too

“Beti toh paraya dhan hoti hai”
Sure, so long as no other dhan is transferred for her byaah

“Police ne tumhe chaaron taraf se gher liya hai”
But you will still escape, you smarty whatnot

“Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paal pos kar bada kiya tha?”
This is used for a variety of offences ranging from murder to something as heinous as, you know, falling in love

“Qanoon ke haath bahut lambe hotey hain”
Itne lambe, that they take all of three hours to finally get justice done

“Hum kisi ko munh dikhane ke kaabil nahi rahe”
At least five sets of parents are probably uttering these words right now

“Operation karna hoga, 25 hazar rupaye lagenge”
The amount keeps changing. But why does nobody ever have any medical insurance?"Maa ka doodh piya hai toh..."

Toh samajh lo gym ki bhi zaroorat nahi padti, na?

“Tazeerat-e-hind, dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai”
Always followed by some woman screaming, “Naaahhiiiii...”

From HT Brunch, December 14
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First Published: Dec 12, 2014 21:14 IST