Guest Column | It’s okay to be not okay

Self-acceptance means, firstly, knowing one’s weaknesses and strengths; and, therapy can help in that. In any case, once this awareness is optimal, the ups and downs of life lose their power because the person feels confident enough with his/her strengths and is fuelled by a need to rise above the weaknesses

In the present times, a lot is desirably being talked about mental health and (much-needed) awareness is being created to destigmatise seeking professional therapy/counselling. Plus, it is reinstated repeatedly that it’s okay if you are not okay. What exactly does it mean that it’s okay if you are not okay? For one, it encourages self-acceptance. For two, it means that it’s absolutely normal to opt for help when feeling blue. For three, it builds compassion for others, as well.

Have trust in your abilities, and recount the times you already arose stronger from adversities and soon you’ll feel equipped and able to cope again. (Adobestock)

Let us look at all these aspects one by one.

Self-acceptance means, firstly, knowing one’s weaknesses and strengths. And, therapy can help in that. In any case, once this awareness is optimal, the ups and downs of life lose their power because the person feels confident enough with his/her strengths and is fuelled by a need to rise above the weaknesses. Self-acceptance also means being kind, patient and forgiving to oneself, before extending these virtues to the outer world.

The second aspect is about realising and meeting the requirement of getting professional, or any sort of, help. A sincere friend recently shared with me a line picked over the social media, “A lot of times people don’t need advice. They just need a friend to sit with them.” It immediately struck home. I even feel that when we are entrusted with someone’s pain and difficulties by them, it’s actually worthwhile to ask whether the person wants comfort, or advice, or both.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, is kind-heartedness and empathy for others. The world will reflect back whatever we dole out to it. Sooner or later, this is bound to come to fruition. In fact, being humane and helpful should be the only way of one’s life – we never know the silent struggles people are battling - the least we can do is being benevolent. Also, there is a common spirit pervading among all beings, an “all-supreme spirit” – it should be honoured and celebrated.

On a different dimension, there is a well-known quote, “every cloud has a silver lining”. It’s another way of saying that let the flowers remind us why rains are there. Whatever struggles and challenges one might be facing at the moment, brighter days are bound to come. Also, I recently read that once our brain has experienced something profound, it doesn’t (can’t) go back to being exactly the same as before again. Happiness inducing experiences won’t pose a problem here, but sadness will, unless dealt with, effectively. So, a few pointers might assist once we acknowledge the difficulty/ sadness as it arrives.

Self-confidence: Have trust in your abilities, and recount the times you already arose stronger from adversities and soon you’ll feel equipped and able to cope again. It is said that millions of people can believe in you and yet none of it matters if you don’t believe in yourself.

Confide: Suffering in loneliness and keeping thoughts-cum-emotions bottled up inside is a downward spiral. Share, lighten the heart, and let the light of others enlighten you till you can find your own spark again.

Go slow: Be easy on yourself and deliberately be slow. It tricks our mind into feeling in control, thus giving a much-needed boost. It helps savour the present moment, too. Take breaks, take one day at a time, and if not huge strides, then do take baby steps.

reemaban@gmail.com

(The author is an assistant professor of psychology at Rajiv Gandhi Government College, Saha)