Random Forays | Forgiveness makes us stronger, happier

Revenge is clearly a lower level emotion and action in the human spectrum. Along with anger, jealousy, worry, fear and such like feelings, a revengeful mind is plunging into worrisome depths

The 1978 production, “The Revenge of the Pink Panther”, was a favourite film for many. Although a comical tale, with not much revengeful angst involved, the title continues to associate itself with the word “revenge” inextricably.

By being of a balanced demeanour, and firm but forgiving, leaders can probably earn goodwill and also ensure better organisational results. (Shutterstock)

While we are not all pink panthers, feelings of revenge do crop up in human minds, even if only intermittently, as life goes on. Very few are able to forgive and forget, especially when the perceived aggrievement caused by the other is rather hurtful.

However, there is something pernicious about revengeful emotions which probably destroys the perpetrator more than the so called target. Whatever harm the other has caused to one’s body, mind or ego, a sense of hatred towards him is not likely to lead to any succour at all. Years of revengeful feelings are in fact only likely to exacerbate the pain.

Siblings or close friends who fall out with each other are probably just awaiting a saner moment to come together again. But that moment of calm doesn’t often come, and decades may pass in extreme anguish for both parties. A feeling of getting back at the other and settling scores is never going to lead to any finality. Such chasms between erstwhile close ones are easily more painful than those between foes who were never friends.

The American Association of Psychological Science has published the following findings: “In the past few years, psychological scientists have discovered many ways in which the practice of revenge fails to fulfil its sweet expectations. Behavioural scientists have observed that instead of quenching hostility, revenge can prolong the unpleasantness of the original offence and that merely bringing harm upon an offender is not enough to satisfy a person’s vengeful spirit.”

Revenge is clearly a lower level emotion and action in the human spectrum. Along with anger, jealousy, worry, fear and such like feelings, a revengeful mind is plunging into worrisome depths. In any case, the person against whom we are plotting revenge, may not even be aware of it and might be blissfully asleep in his home while we often lie awake at night!

Forgiveness, on the other hand, elevates and soothes. Forgiveness unburdens the mind and the heart. It acts as the balm of all balms. The Bible categorically tells us to “forgive seventy times seven”! This invaluable mindset of not carrying grudges and rather helping others to mend their ways through forgiveness, is not easy to adopt. But it is within reach of every human being.

The iconic film, “Twelve Angry Men”, portrays an angry father who is hell bent on hanging a juvenile suspect because of his angst against his own son. It is only when the admirable character, played by Henry Fonda, breaks through his aggressive intent and makes the other realise his true feelings that righteousness returns.

Spouses too cannot get far in life without a frequent sense of forgiveness. Nobody’s perfect after all, and the spouse certainly never is! In our own subtle improvements in our responses to the loved one’s perceived shortcomings, lies the answer to a healthier bond. To get even with someone who matters so much to us cannot be the goal of life. Unless the other is beyond repair and had shattered all ceilings, glass and otherwise, rapprochement is the only course worth adopting.

Teachers, bosses, seniors, captains; all have a role to play in honing the personalities of those under their tutelage or charge. By being of a balanced demeanour, and firm but forgiving, leaders can probably earn goodwill and also ensure better organisational results.

A young man made a grave error and cost his company a large quantum of loss recently. Fearing retribution and even retrenchment, he walked with trembling legs into the CEO’s office. The boss disarmed him immediately though. “Don’t worry, son, we’re not firing you. We’ve just spent thousands of dollars on training you!”

While no human being can be as saintly as the almighty god who keeps forgiving all our blunders and more, we can certainly improve our mental health by being forgivers instead of revenge takers, by nature.

A sense of large heartedness and being a noble human being never hurt anyone anyway. Respect and admiration accrue to such people with ease. And life is then lived on a higher plane.

vivek.atray@gmail.com