‘Lovers are like toilets, they are either public or private’
Cyrus Broacha answers all your relationship queries in this column.
I am 15 and some time back, I started dating a girl my age. Unfortunately, she broke it off after a month saying that it was just a crush. I think she’s lying. She surely has feelings for me but her mother must have pressurised her into ending things with me. Please help me get her back.
Anand, here’s my three-step process. One, ignore her for at least a month. Two, if that doesn’t work, ignore her for another month. Three, if this also gets you nowhere, then ignore her for a further month. Monke Khan (grandson of Ghengis khan) did the same thing with a girl who rejected his advances of love. After three months, he lost patience and had her sown into a carpet and thrown into a river. You mustn’t, of course, do that but ignoring is a strong weapon. Believe me, it works. It’s kept India from invading Pakistan, for instance. Anand, you’re just 15, you have the time to play a long innings. Don’t blame her, we always end up doing what we ‘want’ to do.
I'm 23 and I became friends with my tenant some time ago. Everything was fine until three weeks back when she agreed to go out with me for a date and later backed out saying she had exams. After that she stopped replying to my texts and calls. I like her but I don’t want to take a hasty decision about love, before getting to know her better, which is why I asked her out in the first place. But I don’t know what went wrong. How can I correct it?
Babaji, Lama Tao Tung once said, ‘To save a leaf is to cure a forest’. This, coming from a man who lived in a desert all his life, was very strange. But let’s take some time to understand what he meant. On second thoughts, you know, let’s not. The way I see it, Baba, she’s scared. You came on too quickly. This is the problem with Indian men. We do everything too quickly, even getting married. Stop trying to set up dates, just indulge in conversations. This time, let her suggest a date in the future.
I’m 16 and I have a massive crush on a boy in my college. We were good friends and used to chat a lot, and I think he knew I had feelings for him. But suddenly he stopped texting. He doesn’t converse with me anymore, but his friends tease him with me. I like him a lot and don’t want to lose him. What do I do?
Dhanishta, the answer to your problem is quite simple — toilets. Toilets are of two types, private and public. And so are lovers. Your guy obviously is the private type and doesn’t like the whole world talking about him. He enjoys your attention, but you need to give him space. Text him and ask why he’s clammed up. If he’s not responding, maybe he has a psychological problem characterised by a loss of interest.
Just write to uncle cy firstname.lastname@example.org
And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.