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Making a marriage work

What has changed in marriage from ?the good old days?? Why is the divorce rate soaring? Dr Suneel Deambi probes.

india Updated: Sep 07, 2006 17:17 IST
Dr Suneel Deambi
Dr Suneel Deambi

What has changed in marriage from “the good old days” and now? Why is the divorce rate soaring?

Why can’t a husband and wife no longer guarantee each other mutual trust, hope and compassion? The selflessness of this sacred relationship is at an all-time low.

A wife feeling obligated to her husband and vice versa does no good. Compare this with the old times, when both would go to any length to bail each other out from any crisis. Alas, we do not see the same kind of nectar flowing from within now in this bond.

We often get to hear that stressful careers take the joy out of marriage. Operating at virtually zero tolerance, both mates sweat it out and it sometimes breaks the relationship.

I often wonder about the socio-religious sanctity of such marriages. They seem to be relegated to the same level as any business event and given a nice professional touch.

At a typical Indian wedding, the essence of lagna is not put across to the couple. Most of what the pandit recites seems Greek to all three. The ritual of having saath pheras carries on though as before, with greater emphasis on looking good than securing ways to feeling good..

Once the din of the marriage settles down, the couple is mostly on its own in this big confusing world. The religious and spiritual gurus can have a definite role in arresting the growing trend of marital bitterness.

They must discharge the onerous duty of educating people about the purity of lifelong companionship and love. Should both husband and wife discard their ego and stop finding fault, they would live happily ever after.

But instead, they reproach each other with what all he or she did, umpteen times. I often come across accounts of the selfless service and devotion that couples of yesteryear showered on each other.

This, despite the fact that they did not have the high incomes of today and in fact had to shoulder many more responsibilities. Shouldn’t we learn from them?

First Published: Sep 07, 2006 17:17 IST