No bossing around

Published on Aug 09, 2003 09:58 AM IST

How on earth do employees sack their CEO or get him out of the company? A guide for employees who want to throw their corrupt CEOs out of office.

HT Image
HT Image
PTI | ByAnanda Majumdar

Sack the CEO
Jeetendra Jain

Price: Rs 245

How on earth do employees sack their CEO or just get him out of the company? Jeetendra Jain says it could be as simply done as telling his wife that her husband is corrupt and that everyone, including the chairman and board members, know about it. Next morning, in office, he will be shivering in his pants. If you think he is frightened but may not quit, just call the wife and scare her some more. Before you know it, he would have taken the shortest exit route out.

This is really a guide book for loyal employees and how they can throw self-seeking CEOs out of office. It tells the story of Twist in the Tale Ltd (TITL), a company manufacturing mouses for computers. TITL has some smart people on the rolls — one of them thought up the line ‘We make mouses for the rat race!’ But TITL’s story is essentially built around the lives of the ‘Good Trio’ of Smallfry, Fastrack and Takeiteasy. These are generic names. One of them could even be you.

Smallfry is a hardworking employee, not high in the corporate ladder but with strong ethics. He is usually clued up about developments at the office. Fastrack, an MBA, is a ‘potential leader’ at TITL. He is good at strategy, but lacks diplomatic skills. Takeiteasy is a diligent worker but lacks ambition.

From the sidelines they watch Topgun the CEO driving the company to ruin. Topgun cuts short Short-circuit’s laboured vendor evaluation for a purchase — a new vendor gets the contract by giving Topgun and his cronies a free trip to Paris; they see how Promo-shun is pipped at the post by Nefew, who is promoted in his place and is, incidentally, related to Topgun.

Slowly, the ‘Good Trio’ decide it’s time to take charge. Smallfry identifies different categories of CEOs and the disease afflicting them. Crony Capone, for instance, suffers from corporate diabetes and is addicted to his sidekicks. But all the time, the company is getting weakened till it finally collapses. Parish Priest has a heart problem because he has far too many things dear to his heart — he only likes people from his state, he only likes those who like his kind of food and he wants to speak in his own tongue. Survival means keeping all this is mind. But the company is slowly dying because the priorities are on a different plane. There are others too like Talk-the-Talk, a corporate schizophrenic who promises one thing and does quite another and Volte-Face, suffering from corporate alzheimer’s disease, who keeps taking U-turns.

Armed with his diagnosis, Smallfry decides it is time to go for the big one — he wants to sack the CEO. How? If the CEO swears by astrology, just mess up everything he is superstitious about; if he is corrupt, use technology to build evidence against him — tap his calls, read his email. You could even find him a new job. But make sure it is with the competitors — and your gain will be their loss. Jain uses interesting analogies but the book seems a little long for what it packs in.

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