No Cs please...

?The I&B Minister, Sushma Swaraj, said there should be no condoms in the AIDS ads? ? News item.
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Published on Jan 13, 2003 12:46 PM IST
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PTI | ByBachi Karkaria

‘The I&B Minister, Sushma Swaraj, said there should be no condoms in the AIDS ads’ — News item

What is all this ‘ABC’ of AIDS? Yes, Abstinence is our ancient Indian tradition. Behaviour change? How dare they think our behaviour needs changing? We don’t have all those bad habits of the West. And that C-word, chhee-chhee! Don’t even let it pass your lips. Why we are wanting to expose our innocent children to this thing which has been given such an inflated role in AIDS control?

We must take a hard stand on this. No, madam, we will not condone this ‘cun-dome, shun-dome’. Today you are putting it in the ad, and tomorrow our youths are putting it on themselves. Next, they will think they can have sex whenever they want. Then, they will go completely out of condom, I mean, control. And then, I ask you, what is going to happen to our 5,000 years of pure Bharatiya civilisation?

If Ashoka could do without one, why should Ashok need one. Can you see anyone with these Kondoms in Konarak or Khajuraho?

Bad enough that Vatshisname wrote something called the Kama Sutra; worse that an Indian company should make something with that name so that everybody can indulge in these perversions without worrying about pregnancy. May they all get spondilitis from those contortions, or split nails from opening those packets.

Yes, madam, we must stop this corruption of our pure youth, unblemished by a single shameful thought. If they don’t see this C, they will never think of sex.

All praise to Sushmaji. She only is also protecting the honour of our mothers and sisters, and daughters-in-law. Why only men should have something that allows them to have fun and games without thinking of the women involved? I am glad this was pointed out to the Honorable Minister by that gentle-lady, Ranjana Kumari. No, Joint Action Front for Women is not one of the positions from the K. Sutra). Ms Kumari rightly said that condoms enabled only men, and kept women out of the picture. No, we must give them equal rights. Equal rights to fun and games and AIDS.

What do you mean, ‘How does it matter who gets to use it so long as both get protected in the process?’ What kind of paternalistic, regressive, unsensitised woman are you? If women don’t have a condom of their own, then both must have to worry about pregnancy, STD and AIDS. Can any scientist or Bill Gates dispute Ms Kumari’s assertion that ‘the condom is not a prescription for AIDS’? She is talking of cure, why you are trying to divert the subject by bringing up prevention?

From the beginning only we were telling you - this AIDS-shades is simply a conspiracy of the West. First they had it, then they gave it to us, and now they want us to swallow the ways they have used to deal with it. No, thank you. We don’t want to swallow any of their stuff. We have our own immunity, and our own barrier-method — our pure minds. No virus can get past it. Just as nothing can pollute the Ganga. See how it washes away our sins despite it being choked by sewage?

We don’t need the condoms, or the ads, separately or one slipped onto the other. No, when you have pure love, you do not need this, this... what’s it called, yes, lay-tex.

Sushma-ji, you are right in pulling up Doordarshan for airing those offensive ads. Showing condoms encourages sex rather than discourages the spread of AIDS. DD must be a shepherd, not a leopard. It must change those spots.

Do these ad-makers think they can make any kind of ads, saying that it is in the public interest — and corrupting our private interests? Didn’t Gandhiji — that great role model of abstinence — talk about the means mattering as much as the ends? He was an enlightened soul. He must have foreseen the future, that’s why he gave us this weapon of non-cooperation against these foreign ads made with the help of the BBC.

Do you remember, many years ago our own NACO had put those ugly condom ads all over hoardings and bus stands? We successfully brought those down too. We said then, as we are saying now — the only prevention is hoarding your sex drive, and saying ‘Bus’.

What? How dare you ask if Sushmaji would also object to condoms being used in family planning ads! Everyone knows that Swaraj is also for our birth-rights.

* * *

Alec Smart said, “That sop to the PIOs, is it spelt ‘Duel Citizenship’?”

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