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Of national nightmares and seduction flying high

Indians who cherish Gandhian values have no option but to stand by Rahul Gandhi in the hope that he will emerge as the top leader of the country. Khushwant Singh writes.

india Updated: Mar 31, 2012 23:15 IST

Time is perhaps the most widely read weekly magazine in the English-speaking world. In its latest issue, it has the picture of Narender Modi, chief minister of Gujarat, on its cover page and predicts that Modi is likely to be the next prime minister of India. It is written by Jyoti Thottam of Ahmedabad, evidently his admirer. The cover page has the caption “Modi Means Business. But can he lead India?” Two centre pages show him seated in a spacious chair, dressed in a saffron kurta and white chooridars. A servant is shown driving a harem of four white geese towards their master. He is the only gander.

It sent a chill down my spine. Not so very long ago, Sonia Gandhi had denounced him as maut ka saudagar - a merchant of death, because she held him responsible for the death of thousands of innocent Gujarati Muslims in retaliation of some Muslim goondas killing Hindus returning from pilgrimage to Ayodhya where Babri Masjid was destroyed by LK Advani’s followers. Modi believes he has washed his hands of human blood by speeding up industrial development in his state. I earnestly hope and pray Time’s prediction proves false. India is known as the land of Gandhi. People round the globe respect it because it still tries its best to conform to the ideals spelt out by Mohan Das Karam Chand who they refer to as Babu — father. The only national political party that abides by Gandhian principles is the Congress. Its principal spokesman today is Rahul Gandhi. Indians who cherish Gandhian values have no option but to stand by Rahul in the hope that he will emerge as the top leader of the country. Though his surname is not derived from the Bapu’s, it stands for the same beliefs and deserves our unstinted support against all challengers.

Mile-high clubbing
Some people have the strongest aberrations. Some are known to indulge in sex in the air. They hire aircraft to bed each other in aircraft specially hired for the purpose. I quote from Private Eye’s column in its latest issue. “It all started when someone saw me putting a mattress into the back of my four-seater plane,” Chuck McElwee told reporters at Jandakot airport, western Australia, “and asked me what I was doing. I was about to transport a patient to a country hospital, but I joked that I was starting a ‘mile-high club’ Then, before I knew it, word got around and amorous couples were ringing me up to book flights, so I thought I’d start up a mile high club for real.
“I charge $650 for a one-hour at 6,000 feet, including champagne, chocolates and clean sheets. The plane is tiny and the couples are just inches behind me, so I can hear and feel everything that goes on, but that doesn’t seem to worry them. Last year, 314 couples paid to enjoy the experience of sex at altitude, and 90% of the time, it is women who make the booking. Guys like to talk but they don’t have the ‘do’. The flights are usually over Perth, but who cares? Whenever a guy asks me where we’ll be going, I tell him, ‘if you’re looking out of the window, you’re doing something wrong’.”

Diploma in seduction
In the second decade of 21st century
One can now even acquire
a regular diploma in sex
from the College of Applied Sexuality, Vienna.
To learn lessons in lust
and hands-on on seduction,
anyone over 16 can enroll
Students stay cocooned in co-ed
to best practice their ‘home work’
for a mere thousand pound sterling
Core education is not just theoretical
but is profoundly practical
involving caressing techniques
knowledge of anatomical features,
including sublime sexual postures
through graphic diagrams and details.
(Contributed by Prof RP Chaddah, Chandigarh)

After the engagement
Boy: I have been waiting for this day for years.
Girl: So, shall I go back home?
Boy: No! Never!
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: I did in the past. I do now, and I will in the future.
Girl: Will you cheat on me?
Boy: No! It is better that I die than do that.
Girl: Will you always love me?
Boy: Sure! Definitely!
Girl: Will you beat me up?
Boy: No! I am not that type of person.
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes
Girl: Oh Darling.
Five years after the wedding:
Read the above bottom to top.
(Contributed by
Rajeshwari, New Delhi

The views expressed by the author are personal

First Published: Mar 31, 2012 23:08 IST