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PM: Welcome to this all-party meet, ladies and gentlemen. Before we start, I think I'll have some coffee.Congress MP: What kind of coffee?

india Updated: Dec 10, 2011 23:46 IST
Manas Chakravarty
Manas Chakravarty
Hindustan Times

PM: Welcome to this all-party meet, ladies and gentlemen. Before we start, I think I'll have some coffee.

Congress MP: What kind of coffee?

PM: Oh, I take whatever they bring me. It's usually cappuccino.

Opposition MP: Ha! Italian, I knew it.

PM: Why Italian?

Opposition MP: The name says it all. Besides, only bambinos have cappuccino.

PM: Maybe I should freeze my decision to have coffee?

Independent MP: I love cold coffee.

Congress MP: A latte would be a better idea. Or a café mocha.

Opposition MP: Make sure it's Robusta and not Arabica. You start having Arabica coffee and next thing you know we'll be writing in Arabic and going about with Arab headdresses and those things like nighties the men wear.

Trinamool MP: Did you know when you have coffee instead of tea you strike a blow against the livelihood of thousands of tea plantation workers in my state?

Congress MP: We could give them a multi-crore rupee package.

Left MP: Coffee is a bourgeois anachronism and real virtue lies in consuming proletarian cutting chai.

DMK MP: You should try filter coffee.

Congress MP: The Gandhians are going on a fast at Jantar Mantar insisting everybody must drink only nimbu pani.

PM: Excuse me. I have to go to the loo.

Opposition MP: You call us here and go to the loo? This is insulting.

Opposition MP1: Does this house have a well? We need to rush to the well of the house to protest.

PM: No, no. I have suspended my decision to go to the loo.

Congress Big Shot: Please note it's just a temporary suspension. He'll be going to the loo once we have arrived at a consensus.

Opposition MP: Where do you buy your coffee from anyway? Did you call for an auction when you bought it?

Left MP: Did you buy it from a supermarket, treading on the face of the oppressed kirana shop owner?

Independent MP: Have you tried Irish coffee? It's coffee with whisky and whipped cream and sugar. Absolute bliss.

Congress MP: The Gandhians say they want to flog the independent MP.

PM: I think it's best to refer the whole matter of drinking coffee to a low-powered committee.

Opposition MP: We won't accept even a high-powered panel.

Independent MP: They say the best coffee is like the ideal lover: hot, rich and can keep you up all night.

PM: Heh, heh. I was joking. I don't have the slightest wish to have coffee.

Congress Big Shot: Please note the decision is merely on hold.

Congress MP: Not a rollback, just a pause.

Trinamool MP: Why not have tea instead?

Opposition MP: We object to Chinese green tea.

Left MP: Don't even mention soft drinks peddled by the evil multinationals Coke and Pepsi.

Congress MP: The Gandhians say they'll slap anyone who has any kind of stimulant.

Independent MP: What if it's decaf?

Akali MP: Why not have lassi instead? It's completely swadeshi.

Congress Big Shot: All right, all right. We are agreeable to debate in Parliament on whether the PM should or should not have coffee, with a vote at the end of it.

Opposition MPs: Hip, hip, hooray.

Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. The views expressed by the author are personal.

First Published: Dec 10, 2011 23:44 IST