Women don't feel like a virgin!
Is marriage just about these petty issues or does it mean much more? Sidhi Chadha finds out the answers. Surferspeak: Pre-marital sex is okayindia Updated: Feb 02, 2006 19:23 IST
It was a debate fuelled by a report from the west about a technique called "revirgination." A 40-year-old woman claimed that she would like to go in for the technique which could make her a virgin again and give it as a gift to her hubby dearest.
Many others seemed enthusiastic about the technique. And it set us thinking. Does it boost a woman's married life or your relationship with your husband if you are a virgin on the first night? Is marriage just about these "virgin" issues or does a relationship mean much more? Does an Indian woman today consider virginity as a virtue?
In a web survey conducted by HindustanTimes.com, a resounding 70 per cent gave a thumbs down to the idea of getting "revirginated" and dared to confess that they would not like to restore their lost virginity, if given an opportunity.
The study from the west claimed that through a vaginal reconstruction surgery women could regain lost virginity. We quizzed women about how raring were they to go under the knife for a fresh new "womanhood". The survey received a whopping response from 928 surfers out of which 746 were females. More than 70 per cent said they would not take the risk of becoming a virgin again.
Set attitudes though remain. The wife being a virgin has always been an unquestioned expectation for most men (or that is what women think). In the survey, 414 females admitted that their better half coming to know of their sexual past scares them to the core.
Women cited reasons such as: "My partner might hate me", "Revealing my sexual past will only spoil my marriage", "No matter how liberal a man is, it is still hard for him to digest a woman's ex-relations."
"I am about to get married and just the thought of "what if my hubby comes to know, he is not the first person I am going to bed with", gives me goose bumps,"confesses 26-year-oldShalini.
But keep your worries at bay ladies. Renowned sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari confirms, "It's the biggest myth that men can find out whether a girl has had sex before or not. No one, not even a doctor can say for sure that a girl has lost her virginity.
The HindustanTimes.com survey indicated that close to 60 per cent women have had sexual relations before marriage. "Virginity is no more a valued quality in India. It matters only to those who want to break down doors," adds Kothari.
Priya, 33, from Mumbai, admits having had sex with other men without her hubby coming to know. "I just convinced my spouse that I am virgin, where as I have had sex with my neighbour a number of times," she quips.
As far as the "wonder" technique revirgination is concerned, it is quite a popular and an "in demand" treatment in the mid-eastern countries and also in the US. In India, the technique has been around for quite a few years but not many are aware of it. The statistics say it all: Only one in a hundred girls opts for vaginal reconstruction.
The survey confirms as much where 46 per cent women believed revirgination is nothing more than a myth, a shortcut to cheat on your partner.
"After all you will lose virginity again with each encounter! So why waste time and money. Anyways, men don't bother about it anymore. Our society is mature and can handle these things better. Preferences are surely changing," believes Nami Luthra, a married woman, based in New Delhi.
Where Nami believes that the decision to have sex or not before marriage rests entirely with the woman, Ananda, 31, has a different point of view.
She says, "Being a virgin is a vedic moral. If a Hindu woman cannot be virgin when married than it indicates that we women have already degenerated to a low moral standard like the women in the west."
While some females believe in getting "experience" for a rocking bed life, as many as 59 per cent of women feel a relationship is more than just about carnal capers.
But, let's come back to the revirgination procedure that is being hawked all over the Internet and in magazines, claiming to be that magical therapy which will help you have a roaring sex life.
The last word by sexologist Prakash Kothari, who has conducted the surgery: "It is a painful and an artificial treatment that we usually do not recommend to women. Women should not tamper with nature. People are under a big misconception that regaining virginity can lead to a better sex life.
"I would say it is the exploitation of the desperate by the innocent."