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Couple goals: Why celebrity PDA is not proof of true love
Celebrity couples appear to be in sync. But PDA is hardly a sign of eternal love. Here’s why every cute moment shouldn’t become part of your own #couplegoals
Seen that viral clip of Tom Holland and Zendaya? It doesn’t matter which one. With Hollywood’s favourite young power couple, every video goes viral. And mostly, they’re all the same: The two actors unconsciously mimic each other at interviews or press events. They have the same gestures, sit the same way, even react with the same expressions. Everyone’s gushing over the clips, calling them “soulmates locked in” and tagging the new #CoupleGoals. That’s where the problem begins.
Mirroring one’s partner is an indicator of familiarity, it’s hardly the marker of a perfect relationship or even of compatibility. Aditi Surana (@AditiSurana), high-performance coach, has seen a few of the videos and helps make sense of the drama.
“When people spend a lot of their time together, a sync develops between them,” she says. It’s a consequence of the connection, not the cause. And building the connection takes work. “When people look at celebrity couples, they pay attention only to how they behave in the social world and believe only that. Of course, it would set unrealistic expectations for regular people’s relationships.”
Besides, both Tom and Zendaya are excellent actors, used to being in the public eye and aware that the world is watching their every move. “Celebrities are known to create personas which are widely loved, commercially viable and create brand value for their career,” Surana points out. It’s why their secret vacations just happen to include a stylist and photographer, and why there are 30 BTS clips of them getting ready for a two-minute Met Gala appearance. They’re used to manufacturing fiction.
It happens all too often. A couple will give each other a tender blink-and-you-miss-it look on the red carpet. A thousand fan accounts replay it in slow-motion and share it online. “Find someone who looks at you the way she looks at him” scream the memes. A week later, they announce their divorce. Last year was dubbed the Year of Celebrity Breakups. This year, we’ve been through Bennifer II, Cardi B and Offset, and learnt that married rocker Dave Grohl fathered a secret child with another woman.
It’s possible to see a happy relationship for what it is, and one should, says Surana. “They are role models, they show us what stable, enjoyable couplehood looks like,” she adds. “At the end of the day, we just want some hope.” But just as Tom and Zendaya mirroring each other is not the goal, neither should mirroring one couple’s behaviour be the goal for another couple.
Building a lasting relationship, even one with a friend or relative, is hard, consistent work – it rarely makes it to the cameras. “To stay committed, it helps to understand rupture vs repair,” Surana says. It’s easy to bail after the first fight, the first crossing of a line. “But great relationships are not about how we flare up but how we fix it,” says Surana.
Let celebrity couples make puppy eyes at each other, put “private” moments on camera, and pretend their love boat isn’t staffed by a team of 12. In the real world, “building your own rituals with partners and creating memories will deepen the relationship,” says Surana. Love yourself first, be clear about what you want, tune in to what the other person wants, put in the time, focus on everyday support as much as grand gestures. “Who knows? You guys may end up becoming the #CoupleGoals yourselves.”
From HT Brunch, September 21, 2024
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