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Good snide: How to shut down a bitchy comment
... aka, how to shut down a bitchy comment, and stop random meanness in its tracks
Play dumb. “I didn’t catch that. What did you say?” It buys time. Gives the other person a chance to backtrack. The best way to offend your offender is to not acknowledge the offence in the first place. A good hack: Reword what they said and say or text it back to them so they can see their rudeness too. “Wait, did you mean to call me fat?”
Turn the tables. Kolkata-based psychologist Nilanjana Chatterjee Chakraborty says that trolling is a form of cyber aggression that is mostly adopted by people who lack a sense of self. “It’s easier for them to be nameless or faceless,” she says. She recommends reclaiming the narrative, which includes calling out such behaviour: “Hmm, I wonder why you’re being bitchy without being provoked.”
Ask them if they’re okay. Concern in the face of meanness gets their goat and gives you the upper hand. Chatterjee Chakraborty points out that most bullying flourishes because bullies believe there might not be real consequences for their actions and words. Put them in their place, by acknowledging their barbs as signs of their own problems. If it’s happening in person, act surprised, like you can’t believe they would let such poor judgement get the better of them.
Call them out. If someone is being rude, tell them as much. Divija Bhasin, psychologist and content creator, is often pleasantly surprised to see how well this method works. “I like to reply to them and say ‘That was really rude,’ and surprisingly, they often delete their comment or apologise when I do that. I think it’s because when they make hate comments, they don’t realise there’s a real person on the other side of the screen,” says Bhasin, who has dealt with plenty of online toxicity three years into being an influencer.
Close ranks. It’s the first step to disengaging with toxic commenters,says Bhasin. Restrict what they can see of the material you share online by unfollowing, blocking or taking them off your broadcast channel. In real life, share less with them, limit how much face time they get. It blocks them from accessing bits that are none of their business, and also makes their comments invisible to everyone else.
Buy time. Tell them you’ll engage with them when they’ve learned some manners. It shows more dignity than a snide comment of one’s own. And deprives them of the thrill of seeing a barb land where they wanted it. Temper the ultimatum with a smile. Show them that their worst attempt hasn’t even made you sweat.
Engage once, then disengage. Bhasin says it’s wise to remember that online followers, acquaintances and idly browsing folks are there for the content, not for the person creating it. “My advice is that replying to them once is okay, but engaging in long discussions is almost always a waste of time,” she says. “Just one response is enough. None of the commenters know the real you. They are mostly coming with bias and preconceived ideas about you based on your content,” she says. In real life, it works with the snarky second cousin, the colleague from another department and the annoying gym friend too.
Challenge them. “Is that the best you can do? Gosh, you’re losing your touch.” It’s the kind of response that seems like it’s setting a high standard, but is really acknowledging a long pattern of unprovoked awfulness. As before, it works like an Uno Reverse card, showing bullies for what they are:people who thrive on petty power plays.
Don’t take the bait. It’s exactly what they want. Being snarky in return only gives people the pleasure of knowing that you’ve given thought to them in return, and they’re on your radar too.
