E-Paper
Guest Column by Tanvi: The game of the name
How to navigate life and documentation when you drop your surname. An Indian citizen shares her experience
Exchanging names is an obvious ice-breaker. Only, in my case, the absence of a surname gets many people interested. “Isn’t a surname mandatory?!” The tone of voice has ranged from surprise and bemusement to disbelief and even condescension—this question has followed me for 25 years out of my 35. I graduated from middle to senior-school, became a voter, acquired my degrees, switched organisations, moved houses, got married and even had a baby—but there’s been this leitmotif of sorts!
In Italy, a court recently overturned a longstanding tradition of patrilineal surnames, saying parents should consider other options too. This took me back to when I was seven or eight and had started paying attention to my name. I wanted the surname that my favourite maternal cousins wrote and my reasoning was simple: “If they write Agnihotri, why must I write Kumar?”
Just Tanvi
Oblivious to what a name conveys about a person’s location in Indian society, where surnames are often caste-markers, I finally decided to keep it uncomplicated—just Tanvi. (For a while that is what a handful of college friends called me: “Just Tanvi”.) I had the endorsement of my parents, especially my mother who retained her maiden name after marriage, somewhat uncommon for her times. It was only later that I realised how little a mother’s surname mattered on documents—it was conveniently dropped from my matriculation certificate. What is relevant is only the father’s name. Things are changing, I am told, but I am yet to see this change become commonplace.
Needless to say, I faced challenges at many stages where my ‘full’ name was required. Imagine not being able to fill an online form because you can’t leave the surname field blank! On countless such occasions—my son’s school admission last year being the most recent example—I have relied on a perfunctory ‘K’, every time with a sense of exasperation.
A name of one’s own
Thankfully, the teachers at my son’s school actually got into a conversation about the form and said they would want the school to rethink the insistence on a surname.
I never wanted to stand out in a crowd and get noticed. But this is a conversation I have started looking forward to each time I am introduced to a new set of people. Many will be intrigued, and perhaps it will get some thinking about our common presumptions, even if just for a few minutes. My son, who was born in 2018, did not inherit his father’s surname. His last name is an amalgamation of our first names—a conversation-starter for him in the future.
For those who still have that “one last” question about what my travel documents say: they are stamped ‘Tanvi Tanvi’!
Tanvi is a communications specialist with over 12 years of experience in the humanitarian and development sector.
I Say Chaps is a guest column that allows passionate, creative people a platform to have their say.
From HT Brunch, June 11, 2022
Follow us on twitter.com/HTBrunch
Connect with us on facebook.com/hindustantimesbrunch
