How to protect your kids from experiencing trauma? Expert shares insights
- “What children are needing from parents to learn is for them to be a guide as they navigate the natural consequences of life. The choices they make will have an effect on them,” wrote Nicole.
Parenting is an art. People, when they get a kid, always try to prove the best for them, no matter what. However, two types of parenting have emerged in the recent times – one of them is protective parenting which involves being extra careful with the children and shielding them from all kinds of pain and suffering, and the other one is hard knock parenting which involves being extra difficult with the children to get them ready for the harsh world that awaits them. As Psychologist Nicole LePera puts it, “Neither of these parenting styles creates healthy, resilient, confident adults. In both cases children learn to not trust themselves. In both cases, a parent is unconsciously teaching them: the world isn’t safe. You’re not safe.”
Nicole further added that the positive kind of parenting involves letting the child navigate through the natural courses of life by themselves while the parents can stand as a strong pillar for them to come and be elated when they achieve success, or be their shoulder to cry when they face rejection. In life, a child will go through heartbreaks of many kinds – from rejections, to failures to bullying. Parenting involves creating a safe space where the child can come back and express their emotions to their truest best.
Trauma happens for a child not when they face failures and pain in life, but when they do not have a safe space in their own homes to express the same and talk about their deep fears and their scary thoughts. Children who learn to navigate through life by themselves, later become responsible, confident adults who are able to have healthy adult relationships with other people. “This is how children learn to trust themselves. This is how they experience a safe relationship with a parent,” Nicole added. Nicoe further had a suggestion for the parents – instead of trying to protect the children, they should try to create a safe space for them to succeed, fail, grow and nurture themselves as they navigate through the natural consequences of life.