More to sex than reproduction
The digital creator specializing in sex education, Leeza Mangaldas, says focus on pleasure, not making babies
When you scroll through her Instagram profile, you will find informative videos ranging from sex toys and oral sex to busting sex myths and different methods of contraception, presented in a fun, contemporary, and relatable way. Introducing the young, millennial sex guru to you, Leeza Mangaldas, who with her topical content on the subject is making waves on the internet. We spoke to her about her growing up years, her first tryst with sex education, and yes, pleasure. Keep reading.
1.Tell us a little about your childhood
I spent my childhood in Goa, attended high school in Kodaikanal, and then went to college on a scholarship to Columbia University in New York City, where I majored in Literature and Visual Art with a focus on gender and sexuality. I then lived in Mumbai, working in film, TV and digital media for 10 years, with my work becoming increasingly focused on sex education on social and digital media over the last 5 years. As a result of this shift to digital, just last month I’ve now moved back to Goa, which feels really special - a return to the paradise of my childhood.
2.How would you describe your family?
My parents are both very creative, my father is an architect and my mother is an interior designer who also trained as a photographer. They’ve always been very loving and involved as parents. I talk to them every day, we meet very often, and they know exactly what’s going on in my life at any given point. Home has always been a safe space, and I’ve always been able to turn to my parents for information or advice on even the most seemingly “awkward” or “taboo” topics without having to fear judgment, shame, or punishment, and for that I am extremely grateful. I think it’s a huge part of the reason I’m able to do what I do.
3.When was your first rendezvous with sex education?
In addition to the fact that gender and sexuality were the themes my academic work was largely focused on exploring, I was also an RA in college– a resident advisor– which meant I was in charge of student life within a designated floor in a residence hall. This included conducting consent training workshops, and educating peers about safer sex practices. We even had bags of free condoms hung on our doors so students had safe and easy access to protection.
4.What made you realise that this is your true calling?
When I moved to Mumbai after college, as a young person navigating my own sexuality and sexual health, I found that there were hardly any platforms providing easily accessible, non judgemental information contextualized to India, wherein to share questions and experiences, and obtain facts and resources pertaining to sex, sexuality, gender, sexual health, relationships, and the body. As a young, unmarried woman, even just accessing contraception or an STD test can feel like such an obstacle course, let alone talking about sexual pleasure, even though these are basic things that we should have access to in the interest of our own health and well being. I wanted to do something to encourage these much-needed conversations in a way that felt safe, positive, and normal.
5.When did you start making content on sex education?
I first started creating sex education content on YouTube around 5 years ago, in 2017. Instagram was less video-oriented back then, so YouTube was my primary platform. For the first several years, I was also doing a lot of freelance work as a TV presenter and emcee as that’s what paid the bills. My digital content was not self-sustaining to begin with. It started as a passion project; I simply created the content I myself wished I had access to.
6.How did you prepare yourself for it?
When I started making sex education content, I created a curriculum for myself. I read (and continue to read) everything I could about sex, sexuality and sexual health, and frequently interviewed and consulted with doctors, activists, educators, writers, artists, thinkers, and people with lived experiences that they were willing to share. The goal was to create a community. I never claimed to be the big expert with all the answers; I was simply committed to putting in the work to create a space for conversations, questions, and story sharing, as well as to then identify the most credible relevant information and resources possible.
7.What was your parents’ reaction when you told them about your career choice?
My parents have always been wholeheartedly supportive of my work. They understand why sex education is important, and they encourage and celebrate what I do. We are extremely close. They watch all my videos, they’ve always taken the time to provide feedback, they proudly share my work with friends and family, and they’ve even sometimes helped me think through how I’d like to execute my projects. My dad has helped me translate my scripts into Hindi for example, while my mom often discusses topic ideas with me, and she makes sure to like and comment on all my videos. I am beyond grateful for their love and support.
9.Which are the different platforms that you create content on?
I put out video content on Instagram and YouTube in both English and Hindi (my page is Leeza Mangaldas on both platforms), and I now also have a Spotify Exclusive Podcast called The Sex Podcast with Leeza Mangaldas.
10.How has been the response from people?
The response to my content has been overwhelmingly positive. Most people seem genuinely interested in and grateful for the information I share. They send me messages saying “Thank you for doing what you do!” or “I had my first orgasm thanks to what I learnt about my body from watching your videos!” or “My intimate life has become so much better ever since I started communicating with my partner” and that’s really heartwarming.
11.What do you think made people open up to sex education?
The #MeToo movement, the repealing of Section 377, these are significant milestones that have occurred in the last few years that I feel have made people more willing to acknowledge how important it is for us as a society to be able to talk about sex and sexuality, and how damaging the dominant culture of shame and silence is for all of us.
12.Do you think social media has any role to play in this?
Among other things, I feel social media and the internet have allowed many young people to learn about and be exposed to a much wider range of perspectives than before. For example, when I was a teenager, we didn’t know the vocabulary to talk about gender identity outside the binary, today a lot of Indian teenagers have their pronouns in their bio. There’s a long way to go for all of us, but these changes bring hope.
10.It’s a responsibility to talk about sex. What is your process?
Thousands of people share questions they’re keen to get more information about in the comments and via polls and messages on my handles so that’s something that often drives what I decide to talk about each week. Sometimes I am particularly preoccupied by a certain question or topic based on an experience or learning or discovery I’ve made in my own life, that I feel like sharing. Sometimes they are topics that I already have valuable lived experience around or have previously studied in an academic context or both, but sometimes they are topics I consult with a doctor or therapist about as well as study or research further myself. I’m grateful to have also created a sort of informal advisory group that comprises several wonderful researchers, doctors, policymakers, educators and activists, who are as invested in making sexual health information accessible as I am, who I often turn to to discuss topics I feel I don’t know enough about. I also frequently have guests on my platforms to talk about their areas of expertise.
11.Where do you draw the line?
I am not a doctor so I never give individualized medical advice on my platforms. My approach is to simply provide the information about sex, sexuality, sexual health, pleasure, and the body that I believe should be general knowledge. It’s basic information that we all deserve to know, but no one tells us. I constantly encourage people to go see a doctor if they have a specific health concern.
12.What have been some of your key learnings?
I’ve been creating this content for over 5 years now and if I were to deconstruct the questions I receive into one overarching concern, what I get asked over and over and over again is essentially this: “Am I normal?” From questions about size, fantasies, sexual orientation, sexual health, pleasure to concerns about “performance”—most of all, people simply want to be reassured that there’s nothing wrong with them, their bodies, curiosities, and desires.
The combination of the societal shame and stigma along with the ensuing lack of accurate information about sex, sexual health, and the body, means that most people are worried that there’s something the matter with them when it comes to their sexual selves. We often pathologize our own (very normal) bodies and desires, because even thinking a sexual thought or seeking to access contraception can seem transgressive, let alone navigating our sexual orientation or exploring how our body works in relation to pleasure.
12.How is your content different than what students learn in schools?
Students deserve access to accurate, judgment free information about sex, sexuality, and the body, so that they can make safer, better, more informed choices in their own lives. Unfortunately, sex is rarely ever talked about in a pleasure inclusive, queer inclusive way in schools or even among families and if and when sex is talked about, such as during the reproductive system chapter in school, or a cursory talk from parents, it is often a fear and shame-based approach that dictates the conversation, or it is laughed off, and talked of as if it is frivolous and silly. Also, there’s so much more to sex than the reproductive aspect.
13.Why do you think it’s important to talk about pleasure while talking about sex?
For most people the more frequent motivation to have sex is pleasure– not babies– and pleasure is something we never talk about. Sex and sexuality are rarely talked about in an honest and accessible way. We tend to talk about it as if it’s something only other people do, “bad”, “weird” people, not something we do ourselves. I simply wanted to make it normal to talk about this stuff, and to do so in a way that is pleasure inclusive.
Including the discussion of pleasure in sex education in fact leads to greater receptivity from most audiences as well as better health outcomes. Equal access to pleasure is also a tremendous indicator of gender equality. So, this is something people must think about even at a development/public health and policy level when implementing Sex Education or Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights initiatives.
14.What do you think happens when people refuse to talk about sex?
This refusal to talk about sex, at home, in school, in our communities at best results in dozens of clueless young people left to figure out for themselves everything from how to have safe sex to how to have an orgasm, but at worst, it results in things like women being killed for not bleeding on their wedding night, and queer teens being sent to be “cured” by conversion therapy.
15.Why is sex education so important?
Comprehensive Sex Education that is pleasure inclusive and queer inclusive is central to greater gender equality, to improved sexual and reproductive health and rights, to ending sexual and gender-based violence, and to achieving a safer, kinder, more joyful world. And, while some people mistakenly think that access to sex education will result in everyone having more sex at a younger age, in fact, studies globally have shown that people who can talk to a parent, teacher, or caregiver about sex are more likely to delay having sex, and less likely to make choices that put their or another’s health and safety at risk.
16.Female pleasure has not been talked about much. What do you think is the reason(s) for that?
Women’s sexual autonomy and agency remains something that is controlled and surveilled globally. In a patriarchal global society, the idea that women are meant to have sex only after marriage, only with an opposite sex, same caste, same religion spouse, and for the purpose of having babies, not orgasms, these are the ideas that still prevail. For women, it’s as if sex is essentially a duty to the husband and pleasure is too much to ask.
I also think that the centrality of the clitoris to the pleasure of people with vulvas has been neglected in communications around sex for so long that many men and even many women don’t realize that penetration alone is insufficient for most vulva owners to reach orgasm. We’re fed this myth that sex equals penetration and that everyone can orgasm from penetration, and as a result many women and vulva owners feel like there’s something wrong with them when penetration doesn’t result in orgasm. The truth is that there’s nothing wrong with us, most people just don’t know enough about our anatomy and its relationship to pleasure.
17.How do vulva owners achieve orgasm then?
The majority of vulva owners require at least some amount of clitoral stimulation, even if alongside penetration to reach orgasm. The clitoris is the most reliable route to orgasm for people with vulvas but most heterosexual couples simply do not pay enough attention to the clitoris as well as other erogenous zones beyond the genitals. It’s possible to orgasm even from nipple stimulation, kissing, even stimulation of the neck and back and various other parts of the body. Becoming “cliterate” and thinking of sex as something way beyond just penetration can go a long way in making sure pleasure is more gender equal.
18.How challenging it is to be a young female sex educator in India?
Many people are quick to make judgement based on appearances and undermining young women is so common, it’s basically a social pastime, is it not? But I’ve been doing this for over 5 years now which I understand is not a very long time but it isn’t short either. I’ve withstood the slut shaming and the nay sayers and at some point I guess people realise that this person isn’t going to be silenced and also that maybe there’s something about what’s being said after all. I’ve been overwhelmed by the encouragement and support that has come my way though, while of course there are trolls and misogynists to contend with on a daily basis, I think more people have expressed support and gratitude and excitement about having a space for these conversations than anything else.
19.What is your advice to anyone who wants to have a sexually pleasurable life?
Get to know your body. Self-pleasure can be an incredible gateway to sexual self-knowledge particularly for people with vulvas, as we barely get to see or touch our own intimate parts unless we deliberately set out to do so. Communicate, get comfortable talking to and listening to your partner. Tell each other what you’re comfortable with, what you’re not comfortable with, what you’re curious about, what feels good, what doesn’t, how you like things. Talk about protection and contraception. Make each other’s consent, safety, and pleasure a priority. Also, use lube. A good non scented, non flavoured lube is in my opinion one of the unsung heroes of better sex for everyone. It’s one of the simplest things you can do to make sex both more comfortable and more fun.