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Woman claims her husband is repulsed by everything she does; tells Reddit: ‘It's just inertia driving this relationship’
A woman finds herself on the verge of a breakdown as her husband with whom she shares a one-year-old has been taking issue with everything she does.
All relationships need work. However, sometimes, people need to take a call if the one they are in is not working at all. A 34-year-old woman came to that realisation about her marriage and shared her experience on the popular subreddit, r/InsideIndianMarriage.
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Red flags that were ignored…
The original poster (OP) began by stating that she and her 35-year-old husband have known each other for 13 years. They have been married for the last four years, and a year ago, welcomed a son together.
She claimed that they had completely different personalities. The husband does not like to socialise; he is neither comfortable with his wife’s friends nor with her befriending his. However, she did note that he never had any issue with her independence.
A doctor by profession, the OP observed, “I have been fiercely independent, proud of my self-made journey, and he knows it.”
However, she claimed that he has been trying to manipulate her financial freedom ever since they got married. Apparently, the husband did not reveal his exact income to his wife, nor is she aware of his spending. But he initially used to check her bank accounts on a regular basis and questioned her expenses.
This led to many fights, but the matter was majorly swept under the carpet. However, the husband did hold grudges and would sometimes get angry out of the blue. He would stop responding to the OP, sometimes verbally and physically abuse her, and then tell her to go away upon asking what had happened.
“We fought a lot on many issues, my closeness to my family being one, him not giving heed to anything I say that bothers me, not being emotionally available to me, not being appreciative of my professional achievements and being overtly biased towards his family, so much so that he can't even listen to constructive criticism shared secretly with just him about his family,” shared the OP.
How things changed after they had their son
The OP claimed that ever since they became parents, she has been trying to fight less. She lets go of arguments, knowing that her husband would be irrational and biased. However, the latter has taken to constantly attacking her family, and not helping with taking care of the infant, insisting that he is tired from work.
Therefore, even after working full-time as a doctor, the OP has to take care of the child by herself.
“I have fragmented sleep throughout the night as I breastfeed my child who is an extremely light sleeper, and my husband sleeps through the night, but he gets irritated when he has to get up in the morning to open the door for house helps and cooks as I only get to sleep soundly after sunrise when my baby sleeps soundly for around 2 hours at a stretch,” she revealed in her post.
“My husband says it is my duty to look after the house and that it is up to me to manage the kid and the job along with it. If I can't, then I should leave the job and the kid!!! Just focus on managing the meals and the tidiness of the house, as it is what my actual duty is.”
Things took a turn for the worse over time, as the OP claimed that her husband took to abusing her over everything she did. She believed that it might be a result of his bruised ego as she earned more than him, and managed both her job and her home without his help.
She did hire help at her own expense, but her husband continued to mock her. In her words, “He makes it a point to constantly taunt me regarding the fact that I suck at homemaking. And these are not mere taunts; they are heart-rending, gut-slashing verbal abuses directed at me and my family.”
“It is getting increasingly difficult to stay in this toxic environment. I have tried talking to him calmly, lovingly, apologised for whatever I did that hurt him, and promised not to rub him the wrong way ever. But he behaves extremely coldly and antagonistically with me and doesn't leave any chance to insult me. He has also mentioned multiple times that this household doesn't require my money to run, he is capable of running it smoothly and in a better fashion with his money only. This makes me feel even more that his ego issues are a big reason for such behaviour,” she concluded.
Redditors ask OP to walk away from the marriage
Commenting on the post, the Reddit community unanimously told the OP to leave her husband. When one person asked, “Why are you still with this thing?”, the OP replied, “I don't know either. Maybe this toxic attachment over the years, inability to take this huge step of separation due to societal concerns, hope of him realising that he is on the wrong and apologising. I don't think I love him anymore. It's just inertia that's driving this relationship.”
“What you are feeling is escalated commitment,” observed another person. “Think of yourself first, prioritise yourself, sis. It will be hard but once you wake up the morning after you have walked away from him, I promise you will love yourself.”
“I’m sorry, but physical, financial, and emotional abuse should not be something to try and fix. You need a divorce. I’m sorry you’ve put up with this man for 13 years, but please do yourself and your child a favour and get out,” was the opinion of another, to which the OP responded, “I will try therapy now. Let's see if I can pull myself together.”
“Getting therapy is not gonna change him! You’ll be a BAD and selfish mother if you still continue this marriage,” pointed out yet another.
“I didn’t need anything after the abuse. Abusive partners only get worse. Please leave with your baby,” was the opinion of a fifth.
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
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