Contemporary India is at a cusp of change related to women’s independence, gender parity, and sexual identities, which has begun to impact the idea, and, therefore, the institution, of marriage. In my research with urban professional women, an undeniable trend has been pushing back the age of marriage.
Women are increasingly marrying in their late 20s or 30s, until they find the right partner who is not threatened by their professional ambitions, financial independence, and is emotionally available. They want
Contemporary India is at a cusp of change related to women’s independence, gender parity, and sexual identities, which has begun to impact the idea, and, therefore, the institution, of marriage. In my research with urban professional women, an undeniable trend has been pushing back the age of marriage.
Women are increasingly marrying in their late 20s or 30s, until they find the right partner who is not threatened by their professional ambitions, financial independence, and is emotionally available. They want marriage not out of social obligation and certainly not with someone who is uncomfortable or resentful of their sense of self and identity. A demographic result of this is that the category of “never married” women in India is on the rise (with a decrease in fertility rates). This trend is growing in parts of Asia as well, including in China, where sometimes the pejorative term sheng nu (leftover women) is used for women who desire to marry but are unable to find a suitable spouse.
A new series on Amazon Prime, Made in Heaven, is among the raft of fresh programming in India that marks this trend. In one episode, we see a woman who marries herself as she promises to take care of herself. In another, a middle-aged man and woman, who were seeing each other in their college days, reunite and decide to leave their unhappy marriages to be with each other. This speaks to another change that I note in my research, namely, the rise of the age at divorce, as women in their 40s and 50s walk out of marriages to find dignity, love, and peace.
The series captures four themes of the evolving Indian marriage. The first is violence. A troubling and common behaviour in my research was the presence of several women who were abused (emotionally, verbally, or physically) by their boyfriends, but whose trauma was largely unrecognised because romantic relationships were not considered as serious or important as a marriage, and because, at times, the women were embarrassed that their choice led them to an unfortunate situation, condemning them to silence. The second episode captures these conflicting emotions, with a bride-to-be regularly beaten by her fiancé. Despite this, the woman reads this violence equally as a form of his love, vulnerability, and dominance.
The second is skin colour. The obsession with a fair bride is well known, as is the feeling of inadequacy seeded in women around it. Indeed, the filters on our mobile phones and careful curation of wedding photographs reflect the continuing concern to look a few shades lighter. The creators illustrate this mindset not only by exploring the feelings of a bride caught in a whorl of comments and prejudice around her skin colour, but also by the disturbing practice of hiring white people for ceremonies.
The third is caste. The ubiquitous fault line is routinely absent in popular culture that caters to urban upper and upper middle-class audiences. The show attempts to break this barrier with the story of a Dalit bride, who is a professor of sociology but struggles with the hesitant acceptance of her caste identity. In displacing the question of caste from rural and uneducated segments of society to the well-heeled urban audience, the creators ask difficult questions about tolerance and equality. Though controversy around the adaptation of the story have raised troubling questions about copyright, sourcing and creative inspiration later, these are important subjects to explore.
The fourth is sexuality. Indian history has always given space to multiple sexual identities in a manner not often appreciated by western societies and more straitjacket definitions of gender and sexuality. It is refreshing to see a series capture a range of issues concerning the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer, and Asexual+ community. We see for the first time a commitment ceremony between a female gay couple, the self-doubt and vulnerability of a central character who is gay, and the tumultuous journey of a transwoman who is sneered at and abused but also finds love.
In 1972, French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu famously wrote in Les stratégies matrimoniales dans le système de reproduction about the strategies of matchmaking used to maximise one’s capital.
No doubt that there is personal ambition in matchmaking as we seek the best for us — socially, financially, and emotionally — but in these desires are also hidden microcosms of the struggles, perseverance, and victories of our changing society. It’s welcome that popular culture is attempting to embrace this complex and nuanced story.
Parul Bhandari teaches sociology at the University of Cambridge. Her forthcoming book is titled Dissent with Love: Affect, Ambiguities, and Transformations in South Asia. The views expressed are personal
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