Reasons you have a defensive conversation with your spouse

From having a survival mindset to not asking questions, here are a few reasons why defensiveness can show up in romantic relationships.

Updated on: Jan 22, 2024 9:10 AM IST

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Defensiveness comes up in our behaviour pattern when we anticipate a physical or emotional threat. However, in a loving relationship, when defensiveness keeps showing up in conversations, it is time to reevaluate the relationship and try to understand the underlying reasons that are acting as triggers for us. Couples Coach Julia Woods shared a few reasons that can cause defensiveness in a romantic relationship. (Unsplash)

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When we are in the survival mindset, we start to have trauma responses for everything. We start to see triggers everywhere and get defensive.  (Unsplash)

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The brain constantly feels threatened, and hence, the survival responses show up in relationships. Shifting to the responsibility mindset can help in assessing the situations better.  (Unsplash)

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When our thoughts get fixed, we start to be convinced that only our thoughts are true. This makes us stubborn in accepting the perspectives of others.  (Unsplash)

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Having a growth mindset can help us to open our minds and accept the reality of others. This can also bring down the strictness in understanding people.  (Unsplash)

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When we do not ask questions to understand, we start to assume things. This can lead to defensiveness based on the way we are thinking.  (Unsplash)