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Guest column: Do ‘pay rent’ to your parents
Is it right to treat children as friends? Think of it this way, they have lots of friends, but they have only one set of parents. If parents don’t do ‘parenting’, who will?
A very distressed neighbour recently shared with me that he had driven home after a long day at work. As he entered the house, he saw his wife in bed with fever. She had laid out his dinner on a tray. Everything was there just as he wanted it. The dal, vegetables, salad, green chutney, papad and pickles ... “How caring,” he thought, “Even when she is unwell, she finds the strength to do everything for me.”
As he sat down to eat, however, he realised that something was missing and called out to his grown up daughter watching TV: “Beta, can you get me my medicine and a glass of water, please?”
She rolled her eyes, expressing displeasure at being disturbed, but did his bidding. A minute later, however, when he asked her to hand over the salt shaker, she stomped to the kitchen with a loud sigh of exasperation.
Wanting to chat with her while eating, when he called her again, she banged the TV remote on the table, angrily exclaiming, “What is it now, Dad? How many times will you make me get up? I too am tired; I had a long day at work!”
To this, the man said, “I’m so sorry, beta …”
As silence prevailed, the man finished his meal and kept the dishes in the sink, quietly wiping away a tear.
I often wonder; why is it that the youngsters of the so called modern world behave like this? Have we given them too much freedom to say what they want? Have we failed to discipline and give them the right values?
Is it right to treat children as friends? Think of it this way, they have lots of friends, but they have only one set of parents. If parents don’t do ‘parenting’, who will? Today the ‘self-esteem’ of even a new born or an infant is being talked about; but what about the self-esteem of parents? Are they supposed to just fan the egos of their children, while the children don’t care two hoots about theirs? Often parents say, “Aajkal ke bachhe sunte kahaan hain? (When do children today listen to their parents)”. Why?
The other day, we were at a dinner party. All the seats were occupied except for one bean bag. One of our 50-something friends told his teenage daughter to move to the bean bag, so that he could sit on the high-back chair she occupied. Her response, “Why can’t you sit on the bean bag?” left me shocked; we all knew that the father had a back ailment, and even otherwise, would a father want his child to talk back to him like that?
Even later, as everyone was taking leave of the host, the father, realising he had left his car keys inside, asked his daughter to get them. “Why can’t you go and get them yourself? I am not your maid,” she said.
As I looked away in disgust and disbelief, the poor man had no option but to make light of the situation saying, “Yes, but Daddy is your eternal servant, my princess,” before getting the keys himself. This is how we behave socially? Why?
If we need to teach children about self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence, we also need to tell them that howsoever big and rich and famous they are going to be in the future, their parents will always be their parents … children can never be their equals, let alone be their bosses!
Remember to Pay rent; Pay Respect Empathy, Niceness, Tolerance to your parents!
