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Adding zing the second time

What prompts a happily married woman to indulge in an extra-marital affair, Dr Sanjoy Mukerji tries to find.

sex and relationships Updated: Aug 07, 2013 12:14 IST

It may sound too clichéd but the fact remains that a man twotiming his wife is called a stud while a married woman in an extra-marital affair is looked down upon. But why such double standards?

Women might stray too…and they can have all the justifications that men have. She fell in love again About two months back, Kamini, came to me for psychological counseling. She told me that she was madly in love with another man. “I am addicted to him,” she said.

Kamini is married with a sevenyear-old son and a four-year-old daughter. She’s a fashion designer and a pretty successful one at that.

She met Saurabh when he’d come with his wife to her boutique. It was instant attraction. Soon they started seeing each other.

They met at least once a week, and their meetings would involve some great conversations and some wild passionate lovemaking. It was a torrid affair.

However, what was most interesting was that Kamini was still happily married. She insisted that she loved her husband and her kids. Apparently there was no reason for her to have an extra-marital affair.

But then she also loved Saurabh and couldn’t imagine life without him. She was feeling guilty about her relationship with Saurabh and wanted to come out of it. She desperately needed my help.

The real story While going through Psychological Analysis and Diagnostic Evaluation, I found out that Avinash, Kamini’s husband, is a really nice person but is always very busy with his work and has little time for his family .

He does tell her that he loves her a lot but his actions and behaviour would belie that. Now for the other interesting bit! She once told me very unabashedly that Avinash is quite good in bed but couldn’t sustain himself for long.

Moreover he is very possessive of her and slightly suspicious about her movements. Saurabh on the other hand, is very passionate, romantic and completely uninhibited in bed. In short, he’s a stud muffin.

At the same time he’s also a great friend who’s always there to lend a patient ear whenever she’s troubled. All this makes him ‘irresistible’. So despite all her resolutions of putting an end to her affair, she goes running back to him all the time, brushing away all her feelings of guilt.

Give them love It is quite clear from this case that women indulge in extra-marital affairs for the following reasons — lack of love or maybe an ineffective way of expressing it, time constraints on the husband’s part, lack of romance in life, an insipid sex life, incompatibility with husband and excessive freedom combined with a lavish lifestyle.

Over-possessiveness, obsession and distrust on the part of the husband. Then of course, there are some women who are simply addicted to variety .

As a practicing psychologist, hypno-therapist and counselor, I’d advise you to base your relationship on the tripod of love, sex and romance to make it complete. Where there’s love, there is less anger, arguments and fights.

First Published: Mar 31, 2007 14:19 IST