Can relationships survive affairs? Here’s how to deal with a cheating partner
Experts spell out the way forward if you have been cheated upon by your partner.
Being cheated on is one aspect of a relationship that many people are weary of dealing with. And, considering the shock that comes as a jolt out of nowhere, it gets difficult to handle the consequences. In fact, how you deal with a partner who is cheating can even help repair the relationship and get it back on track.
DO’S
Strike a conversation
If you are 100 percent sure that your partner is cheating on then waste no time and initiate a discussion. Dr Aman Bhonsle, psychosocial analyst says, “Get your facts right first and give your partner the benefit of doubt. In extreme circumstances, have a dialogue before involving the whole world and turning a private affair into a public spectacle.”
Find out why
It’s important that you know why your partner has cheated on you. Viveck Shetty, life coach says, “Try to find out the cause of the infidelity. It would be a vital pointer to help you take a balanced decision on the future of the relationship and a mirror to the state of mind of your partner.”
Consider forgiving
Once you analyse the reasons why your partner cheated, think if you can start afresh. Psychiatrist Dr Riddhish K Maru says, “If you find the fault lines and think you can resolve them, and move ahead positively, you can always forgive your partner. But take assurances that it won’t be repeated.”
Seek help
Consult a professional or speak to a mutual friend about the incidents. Shetty says, “If you are married then consult a lawyer and be well educated about your legal rights irrespective of whether you intend to continue the relationship. You can also engage in counselling or therapy first and then jointly to take balanced decisions.”
DON’TS
Resort to violence
If violence is introduced into the equation as a way to resolve the issue it can get extremely unpleasant. Bhonsle says, “Violence can be verbal or non-verbal and by resorting to it the entire focus can turn from problem solving to a punishment paradigm. And then, the entire situation can get chaotic.”
Revisit the situation
For a while, it is fine to ponder upon why your partner cheated on you, but not repeatedly. Maya Kirpalani, consultant psychologist, Bhatia Hospital, says, “When you stop thinking about it, you are making room for positive and completely new experiences. Otherwise, it will surely lead to sadness, depression and anger.”
Spread rumours
Defaming or spreading false information about your partner can be counterproductive. Bhonsle says, “Spreading rumours may lead to vendetta both ways. Your action can also lead to the partner justifying the cheating by saying you’ve been spreading lies or discrediting him/her.”
Request a comeback
After the cheating episode, if your partner doesn’t want to come back to you, don’t grovel, go on your knees or make a drama. Bhonsle, “Becoming needy or clingy will make the partner, who cheated, feel that they have leverage over you. It gives them reasons to justify that they weren’t with the right person.”
Be in a hurry
Finally, if you’ve been thinking of breaking up with your partner and date someone else, give yourself time to recover. Kirpalani says, “Do not get involved in another relationship right after a bad one as you would still be in a lot of pain and turmoil, and this might cause you more harm than bring happiness.”