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Thursday, Oct 24, 2019

Hello? Can you hear me, love?

Mobile phones are an integral part of our lives today. In fact, sometimes more than our relationships. It’s time to watch out.

sex-and-relationships Updated: Mar 30, 2019 13:14 IST
Collin Rodrigues
Collin Rodrigues
Hindustan Times, Delhi
Experts suggest that too much indulgence in mobile phones can make your partner feel neglected in a relationship.
Experts suggest that too much indulgence in mobile phones can make your partner feel neglected in a relationship.(Unsplash)

From the time you step out of your bed in the morning till you hit the hay at night, mobile phones have become a constant for everyone round the clock. No doubt that these devices have made our lives easier. With the help of the Internet and social media, everyone has access to almost everything in just a click. In a way, this has changed the dimensions and dynamics of the way we connect with people.

However, everything has its own set of pros and cons. Cell phones can also affect people’s relationships in different ways. Here’s how your mobile phones may be ruining your relationship.

No time for each other

There was a time when after office, people in relationships, would devote space to each other, not anymore. Neeta V Shetty, psychotherapist and life coach, says, “Unwinding post office hours and sharing experiences of the day with each other helps a couple bond. It also helps increase intimacy in couples. But now, couples are on their cell phones trying to catch up with the day’s happenings on social media, etc.”

No Communication

A cell phone is all about connections, but the Internet has changed the way we communicate. Aman Bhonsle, psychosocial analyst and relationship counsellor, says, “Nowadays, if you want to ask someone out on a date, instead of calling this person, people resort to text messages, which waters down the entire warmth of the enterprise of asking a person out on a phone call or in person. So, now you are disturbing the essence of romance because it’s all about just pressing a button, and the ball is rolling.”

Low attention span

Now, when we talk to our partners, we are more focused on our phones, which has inadvertently become more important than even our relationships or the conversations we used to have. Psychiatrist, Dr PD Lakdawala, says, “One reason your relationship is being ruined by your phone is by not paying enough attention to your partner while spending time together over dinner, watching movies or while going out together. This happens because the thought of new messages, emails or news flashes is bothering you.”

You have better options

Thanks to social media and the trend of online dating, people who don’t find their date interesting or if they have run out of things to talk about, one can log into social media and start browsing immediately. Bhonsle says, “There is a term called screen zombies for babies who are given gadgets. That’s the very first way they interface with the world because it’s used as a babysitting device.” He further adds, “In many ways, in present times, people are not that interested in knowing each other. The easy push button entertainment solution way is always in their hands. In other ways, people are going away from each other.” Agreeing to this, Shetty adds, “Cell phones are making partners feel neglected or not prioritised in a relationship. If a person is constantly on the phone during a date, dinner or while having a conversation, the partner is bound to feel left out, which may bring in resentments and bitterness between the couple.”

Causing Misunderstandings

At times, when you send a message to your partner, you see that they have read it, but not replied, and you draw a lot of inferences. Bhonsle says, “In this situation, you question your partner about not replying, whether you are not important enough or if the relationship doesn’t mean anything to them. This way, you fail to understand that the phone is an enabler of communication, not the be-all and end-all of the communication process.” He further adds, “People forget that they may be getting only half the picture in this scenario. This steals the authenticity of the relationship.”

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First Published: Mar 30, 2019 13:14 IST

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