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Wednesday, Aug 21, 2019

Relationship advice: Swallow your male pride, and just ask her out for a coffee date

TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: You chat, you get along, you know each other now, so just ask her for coffee, it’s the normal, conventional, expected procedure.

sex-and-relationships Updated: Feb 25, 2019 17:28 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times
If you like him or her, just ask them out for a coffee. It’s that simple. (Instagram)
If you like him or her, just ask them out for a coffee. It’s that simple. (Instagram)

Hello Cyrus, I am a 24-year-old woman. I’ve been dating a younger guy for the last 2 years. However, I’m not really sure if our parents would agree on this relationship. What should I do? -- RV

Younger than 24? I mean is there such a number. Frankly, I just can’t count that low. It’s absurd to think of anyone younger than 24. I feel I’d be more comfortable speaking to your parents! Actually, I wish I could speak to your parents. Both sets of parents. And any extra parents hanging around. I tried to explain all this in a book called, Discipline Your Parents, a book which Random House refused to publish. (Publisher’s parents apparently weren’t comfortable). The problem doesn’t lie with you but with your parents. Of course, i.e. if they have objections. Objections based on ego, and old prejudices, have no place in the modern world. You have to analyse the pros and cons of your union with your parents. However in a calm, and pleasant manner. If anyone is getting emotional, stop the dialogue, and resume some other time. Of course, all this could have been avoided, if you just disciplined your parents, when they were younger.

I’m a 22-year-old boy. I’ve been talking to a girl on social media for the last 3 months. Though she has asked for a meeting, I’ve always declined for some reason or the other. However, now I think I’m ready to see her in person but she has never asked again. Any tips on how to approach her in this topic? -- GN

GN, do you have a mirror? If you do, when you look in it what do you see? Rather whom do you see? Hrithik Roshan? Akshay Kumar? Salman Khan? John Abraham? Obviously, you are a duplicate of one of India’s most desired men. Only then would you avoid meeting a girl you are interested in, again and again. After all, as one of India’s most attractive gents, you know the girl will go on proposing to you. Okay, but just in case you are not of those above, above mentioned film stars, the answer is fairly simple. Swallow your male pride, and just ask her. You chat, you get along, you know each other now, so just ask her for coffee, it’s the normal, conventional, expected procedure.

I’m a 34-year-old lady and I am a divorcee. I’ve been having a physical relationship with a friend and though we started this on a ‘no feelings’ note, I think I’m falling for him. However, I’m not really sure if he is. What should I do? -- PK

Love is like cricket, according to cricket historian Somachandra Guha. (No relation to Ramachandra Guha). In cricket, you win the toss, and either bat or field. Similarly, in love, you sometimes have a physical relationship, first and then the rest follows. And other times you chat, get to know each other, and it all then culminates in a physical relationship. Either way, the relationship lasts because it’s working, not because of what happened first. So let’s forget about the ‘physical’, part. (As my own wife often tells me). You should, I suppose, work on the second er leg of romance. The ‘companionship’ part. Are you guys chatting? Does he want to connect in his free time? Is he interested in you, your life? Does he want to wear your dresses in public? Okay, disregard the last question, that is taking things too far. Remember it is a ‘no-feelings’ contract! So he has every right to not follow-up. Simply by observing his attitude toward you, you’ll get your answer.

Hello Cyrus, I am a 19-year-old boy. I’ve never been in a relationship before and to be honest, I’ve never had a major crush on anyone either. I want to know your opinion about love or the feeling of love. How do you know that you are in love with someone? -- KI

Arey KI, it’s a glorious feeling? I experienced it once as a seven-year-old when I got my first puppy. Then at eighteen when I got my driving license, with my first name spelt wrong. To describe it, I guess it’s like having two shots of Cognac, and then being told they were on the house. Love is a fantastic feeling. I can’t speak too highly of it. Having said that, there is such a thing, as ‘too much love’. It’s why I quit, the ‘Osho Ashram’, after just forty-three minutes. How do you know you are in love with someone? Well, your breath goes faster, your palms sweat, your heart races. Oh sorry, that’s what you feel when you are running on the treadmill. Love is indescribable. And I’m not being lazy. Okay, I am being lazy. But, so are you. Go out there and experience it. What’s wrong with you? C’mon!

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First Published: Feb 25, 2019 17:26 IST

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