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Should you? Or should you not bad mouth an ex? Experts advice

When things go bad between a couple, some leave no stone unturned in bad-mouthing an ex. Now, experts help us decode the reasons behind such behaviour, and what it tells about a person.

sex and relationships Updated: Feb 12, 2016 14:47 IST
Collin Rodrigues
When things go bad between a couple, some leave no stone unturned in bad-mouthing an ex. Now, experts help us decode the reasons behind such behaviour, and what it tells about a person.
When things go bad between a couple, some leave no stone unturned in bad-mouthing an ex. Now, experts help us decode the reasons behind such behaviour, and what it tells about a person.(Tumnlr)

Recently, a film website tried to find the reason behind Bollywood actor Kangana Ranaut’s ouster from an upcoming film.

“Yes, many lame rumours are doing rounds. Even a dumb a** can tell where these rumours are coming from. I don’t know why exes do silly things to get your attention. For me, that chapter is over, and I don’t dig graves,” Kangana was quoted as saying. The mention of ‘exes’ is what got this report maximum eyeballs to this report.

After rumours surfaced that Hrithik Roshan had Kangana dropped as Aashiqui 3 heroine, the actress said exes do silly things to get attention. (HT Photo)

Washing your dirty linen in public, as far as a relationship is concerned, is not new, at least internationally. Rob Kardashian and Rita Ora’s affair lasted a few months, but after their break-up, Rob tweeted, “She cheated on me with nearly 20 dudes while we were together, I wonder how many she will sleep with now that we are apart? But I mean 20?!!! (sic).”

Read: The highs and lows of Preity Zinta-Ness Wadia’s troubled relationship

Closer home, Preity Zinta accused her ex, Ness Wadia, of molestation few years after their break-up.

Actor Preity Zinta registered a case of molestation against former boyfriend and industrialist Ness Wadia in 2014. In her complaint, the actor alleged that Wadia not only outraged her modesty but also abused and threatened her. (HT Photo)

People, and celebrities in general, are guarded about their relationships. But, often, once they call it quits, they vent publicly.

The reason

So what does washing your dirty linen in public say about the person. Relationship counsellor, Praney Anand says that it could be a cry for attention.

“Often, people who aren’t able to resolve their personal matters privately, go public to emphasise the importance of what they are going through. Though it may not be a healthy way to resolve one’s private affairs, it often does what it is aimed at — letting a lot of people know that you are hurt,” he says.

Read: How to deal with a break-up

A public spat gives the person a momentary sense of relief and comfort.

“It can also provide a sense of support. It would be wrong to completely condemn this behaviour, as it is just a way of coping with the situation. However, working with a professional might be helpful in adopting healthier ways to deal with the situation,” he adds.

The solution

Break-ups often lead to anger, which, in some cases, is venting in public. So what’s the solution? Talking to someone close, who will not judge, is a good idea.

“Some people find it therapeutic to pen down their thoughts. A diary or a blog is a good place for that. If you’re writing on a public blog, try not to use names. Anger can be channelled into something creative as well — try to remember earlier situations when you have been angry or sad, and what worked for you. We all have our ways of coping with tough situations. Out of those coping tricks, pick the ones that aren’t harmful to you or others,” says relationship expert Mary George Varghese.

Read: Do rebound relationships help deal with break-ups?

According to Anand, if you are at the receiving end of public criticism by your ex, it’s best to respond to them privately. A public response may have an escalating effect, adding more stress and frustration.

Celebs who have bad-mouthed their exes

*Mahima Chaudhary

After breaking up with tennis player Leander Paes, Mahima claimed that the tennis star cheated on her. (Twitter)

After breaking up with tennis player Leander Paes, Mahima claimed that the tennis star cheated on her. “I had always felt there was a third person in our relationship. I knew it was a married woman, since his friends would tell me that I shouldn’t feel threatened. But it was a crowded relationship. I felt suffocated,” she said.

*Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman

Post their divorce in 2001, Cruise once described their marriage as “passionless hell”. (Twitter)

Post their divorce in 2001, Cruise once described their marriage as “passionless hell”. Kidman’s reply to Cruise was, “I felt it was my job to put on a beautiful dress and be seen, and not heard.”

*Ben Affleck

Affleck’s 18-month romance with Jennifer Lopez ended in 2004. They were engaged. (Twitter)

Affleck’s 18-month romance with Jennifer Lopez ended in 2004. They were engaged. Talking about their relationship, Affleck later said, “I was no longer in control of my life. I thought I wanted certain things, but I didn’t. I got lost. I felt suffocated. I should never have gone down that route, or got sucked into all the publicity.”

After her two-year relationship with Travie McCoy ended in 2008, Perry wrote the song ‘Circle the drain’ with lyrics that were aimed at her ex. (Twitter)

*Katy Perry

After her two-year relationship with Travie McCoy ended in 2008, Perry wrote the song ‘Circle the drain’ with lyrics that were aimed at her ex. The track goes, ‘You fall asleep during foreplay cause the pills you take are more your forte. I’m not sticking around to watch you go down. Wanna be your lover, not your f***ing mother (sic).”

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