Four common problems faced by modern Indian couples today, and how you can solve them
These days, instead of hashing things out face to face couples prefer to text each other about it...brunch Updated: Sep 09, 2017 22:06 IST
Being a writer means that I get to live other lives through writing but shrewd observation has also given me an insight into what other lives are like, to a certain extent anyway. Modern couples today may have changed the definitions of their relationships but there are some universal issues that everyone seems to be caught up with, issues that our parents may have faced too, but would have dealt with differently, simply because of the world they lived in.
Communication is the rock-solid core on which every kind of relationship rests, and one of the main problems beleaguering modern couples is the lack of it between them. What’s problematic is that several times they are aware of this gap but they carry on without doing anything about it. Why? It could be either because they’re too busy or maybe because they don’t care enough. Without communication, it’s easy to misunderstand words and the silences between them. Those of you who are sure that you communicate with your partner, I don’t mean talking about chores, bills and school fees although these are important too. Communication gaps exist when you make assumptions about your partner in any way and expect them to follow up on it.
A sad face emoticon takes away the edge away, of the way I feel truly and the angry emoticon often evokes laughter from my husband.
Unlike several people who look back at the 90s fondly, I don’t. They were a period of great upheaval for me with not enough clarity about where my life was headed and most of all, technology would have made a huge difference in my life. But even I understand that today, no matter how much technology has helped us in numerous ways, big or small, it does hinder relationships. The combination of social media and smartphones enables us to be in several places at once but rarely do we look up and see the person we are with. Unfortunately, even when you do so, the other person is also often engaged in their own smartphone! It has changed the way we look at people around us, bringing to mind a future that is starkly reminiscent of a Black Mirror episode where people are rated and judged for their interactions.
Emoticon = Emotion. Not.
You’re upset with the person in your life but instead of hashing things out face to face, you prefer to text each other about it. I’m guilty of this several times too and I have my own points in favour of it but then, emoticons cannot accurately replace emotions, can they? A sad face emoticon takes away the edge away, of the way I feel truly and the angry emoticon often evokes laughter from my husband. So there.
Break, but won’t bend
A certain amount of give and take needs to be there in every relationship on both sides. Only one side cannot be expected to make all the sacrifices while the other enjoys what’s been given freely. But increasingly, couples are willing to break rather than bend. Both sides need to understand that a relationship involves compromises that they have to make. And yet, there has to be a balance, one that is all the more delicate because it’s often not spoken about openly. One also can’t bend so much, that the significant other in the relationship walks all over you because you’ve transformed into a doormat.
The problems maybe modern but the solutions are timeless and universal. While it is indeed a good thing to be individualistic and be your own person, there are times when it’s also nice to remember that you are part of another unit as well. Allowing time and space for the relationship to flourish, remembering that you are connected to someone else, your decisions influence them and vice versa will go a long way in changing the way you view your relationship. At the same time, couples also need to make conscious efforts to create a sense of safety in the relationship, where it is the one safe thing they can fall back on, no matter what else happens in the world.
From HT Brunch, September 10, 2017
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First Published: Sep 09, 2017 22:06 IST