E-Paper
 Don't be a chronic RT @retweeter Don't regurgitate what others are talking about. Everything Justin Bieber or Kim Kardashian or Priyanka Chopra tweets about is not worth a retweet. Tweet what's going on inside your head but make sure it's worth listening to. Yes, it's going to take practice. |
 Don't tweet rubbish#HappyHoli greetings? Pictures of coloured (un-recognisable) faces and multi-coloured clothes? "#Bhaang-ing it up! THAT'S how you play #Holi!"? No one's going to want to follow those tweets. Find a way to take an existing thought forward. Make it witty, funny. Make it memorable. Or don't bother tweeting, because no one's listening anyway. |
 Don't hashtag the worldIf you do use a hashtag, be smart. #AddOnionBeforeMovieName makes #nosense. Neither does #justsaying. Au contraire, hashtagging every word is also irritating. How will you #react if #every #word were to be #hashtagged? |
 Cut back on the ODA (online display of affection)Tweeting about your honeybun or your munchkin will only elicit truckloads of laughter. "I miss you so much darling, it hurts *big puppy dog eyes*". Please grow up. NOW! |
 Go easy on CAPSLOCKIt's okay to be upset with government policies, onion prices, mosquitoes and crappy soaps on television. But please DO NOT RESORT TO CAPS LOCK. Reserve capitalisation to one tweet in a hundred, when it really counts. Like, "OMG! I THINK I JUST SAW SRK!! HE LOOKS SO HAWT!!" |
 Mind your grammarTwitter is the '140-character' monster, but if "ths is hw u wnt to twt", you might as well stop tweeting. "Grvty is a gr8 flm!! U hv 2 wtch it!!" Yes, Gravity is a great film, and yes you MUST watch it, but not after tweeting like this! |
Beware the autocorrect devil With our dependence on smartphones, we've forgotten how to spell and spell-check. You've got to at least see what you're tweeting about! "I just louurwe my boyfriend's colon." We know you meant cologne. But see where that got you? |
 Don't tweet everything you eat"This has to be THE best pasta in white sauce, ever! *drools all over*" Yawn. Albert Einstein said "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." And anyone who tweets while eating is not doing any justice to the food! |
 Don't boast about your workoutWho'd want to hear your humblebrags about how you benchpressed 40 kilos? No one. "500 push-ups, 300 lunges, 100km bike ride. Now THAT'S what I call a killer workout!" You poor dear. You don't have a life, do you? |
 Don't not tweetIf you really want to be on Twitter, don't stay inactive. If you made an account just for saying, "Of course I'm on Twitter, but I don't really tweet," you might as well delete your account. |
From HT Brunch, March 2
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