Guest column | How to keep it light at serious conferences

Networking opportunities are many at these events after all. Many attendees hardly attend the deliberations but spend most of their time sipping something or the other and confabulating with newly found associates

Having attended more than a few conferences and seminars in my time, I find myself searching for light moments instead of being uptight . There is always something amiss, or a familiar eager beaver or a loudmouth who typifies all such events. Human beings are more entertaining than most species on the planet, although penguins might run them close!

But it takes all kinds to make a get together of this sort a hit, and if the caterer in question has done a good job of it, everyone goes home rather happy even if the candles or the speakers or those who spoke were pathetic! (Shutterstock)

Speaking of penguins, I am reminded of a recent book launch! The author in question was predictably beaming from ear to ear but the master of ceremonies was the man to watch. He was scurrying about with “old style” sheafs of paper that threatened to topple and scatter all over the floor, any moment. The Emcee was clearly an experienced and well-meaning soul, but his demeanour made the author and a couple of speakers a tad nervous. He went about buttonholing everyone in single file, before the proceedings commenced. First he accosted me with a direct poser. “How many books have you read in your whole life, sir?”

“Errr...Maybe 500,” I blurted out. He scribbled down the all important statistic somewhere at the bottom of Sheet 4 but forgot to mention it while introducing me later!

Anyhow, he proved to be an adept host for the evening but waxed eloquent, without allowing the speakers the curtesy of doing the same. Conferences of the officious sort can be even more hilarious, even if they have sober or important aims to fulfil. The chairman’s microphone will invariably be the one that refuses to perform when it matters most! The scowls that adorn or rather afflict his expression thereafter are terrifying for the organisers, but a matter of mirth for junior speakers to gape at.

Only after an extra helping of ras malai finds itself in his stomach does the worthy chief guest smile much later. Another weak link in the check list of the organising committee is usually the lamp lighting ceremony. Either the candle goes missing when its moment arrives or the lamp refuses to light up despite the best efforts of all the luminaries. Their trembling hands start trembling a little more and several faces go read before the lamp finally acquiesces.

At one such conference the ubiquitous officer on special duty (OSD)to the chairperson was the man in charge. He strutted about throwing his weight around before the boss arrived. But once ‘madam’ was ensconced in her seat the OSD was seen perpetually bending low to listen to her every command. Several nods and ‘yes ma’ams’ would accompany her every word. So much so that the rest of us started feeling as if we were personas non grata. But not entirely. For the chairperson was herself warm and even deferential towards the rest of us, with only the said subordinate feeling the need to be on tenterhooks in her presence. Yet at many conferences, especially those of the government, it is only about the person in charge and everyone else pales into insignificance.

Many a new alliance is also forged at such a ‘do’, of course. People end up forging partnerships that last a life time after having first met at a seminar, or these days, potentially even at a webinar.

Networking opportunities are many at these events after all. Many attendees hardly attend the deliberations but spend most of their time sipping something or the other and confabulating with newly found associates. One wonders at times whether one should take oneself seriously as a speaker at all! People are clearly more into the kebabs and the liquid diet that is very often available especially at evening events!

Some of us just go with the flow and pretend to look important so that others come up and introduce themselves, which results in enhanced visibility and an expanded network. This art is learnt after years of striving but once it blooms, there’s really not much to it!

But it takes all kinds to make a get together of this sort a hit, and if the caterer in question has done a good job of it, everyone goes home rather happy even if the candles or the speakers or those who spoke were pathetic!

vivek.atray@gmail.com