Paris when it fizzles

This monsoon spells a season of sunsets, somewhere for a girl, somewhere for girlhood’s sights and smells

What a week of crashes and coups! From the crash of a billion hopes and a lifetime of dreams riding Vinesh Phogat unceremoniously crashing out of the Paris Olympics, to the shock market on Dalal Street, it’s been raining upsets and sunsets.

One smell, sight and taste that’s indeed synonymous with the monsoon is that of malpuas. (Shutterstock)

What a weeping monsoon. What a season of wet sunsets. From the Poster Girl of Indian wrestling to the Poster Girl of Dreams Devastated.

Bollywood, though, couldn’t have wished for a more poignant script than that defining image of Phogat- a bleak future staring into that beaten but brave face in the grey sweatsuit. On the positive side of the spectrum, Bollywood may find many a muse in the Paris Olympics, from Jhajjar’s Manu Bhaker to Panipat’s Neeraj Chopra. But for Bollywood, the narrative that spells the most masala script is the tale of the two cities, the tale of the two matriarchs. The narrative that steals the show is indeed that of the mothers of the two Olympians transcending borders in toasting the sons, Arshad Nadeem and Neeraj Chopra. From near the obscure Pakistani village of Mian Channu, Arshad’s mother Razia Parveen spelt sentiments of cross-border jollifications, “I was praying for him (Neeraj), too…Nadeem ka dost bhi hai, bhai bhi.” From the Haryana town of Panipat, Neeraj’s mother Saroj Devi gushed about the gold winner, “Woh (Nadeem) bhi humara ladka hai.” Paris thus gave birth to a future, brand new Bollywood narrative- Pakistan meets India. Hopefully, another Bajrangi Bhaijaan!

Speaking of sunsets, symbolically, it’s also a season of sunsets for many yesteryear sights, sounds and smells synonymous with monsoons. One smell, sight and taste that’s indeed synonymous with the monsoon, in particular the Teej festival of Punjab, is that of Malpuas. On the eve of Teej, a challenge arose. Malpuas were meant to be on the menu. But our new cook, a Bong bai, was not much familiar with their recipes.

In these digital times, when life is lived mostly in Cyberia, it was but natural to turn to the social media platform that runs the rasois of Digital India- YouTube.

Enter chef Ranveer Brar, Sanjyot Keer & Co, into the malpua making by the Bong bai.

Voila, there popped up recipes of the good ‘ol malpua in a million modern avatars. More malpua avatars than there may be enchanting emeralds in the Ambani “tijoris” or tattoos on the arms of skipper Virat Kohli and batsman SuryaKumar Yadav. Enter, avataar profusion and culinary confusion. Oats malpua, ragi malpua, jowar malpua, multigrain malpua, chhenna malpua, whole-wheat malpua, urad dal malpua, apple malpua, banana malpua and falahari malpua.

In this season of India’s independence, there even popped up malpua avatars that promised curious culinary freedoms. Gluten-free malpuas, sugar-free malpuas and fat-free malpuas. The head reeled at this riot on reels. Re-enter, nostalgia. All one craved for was the simple, fancy-free and fuss-free malpua recipe of our unsung masterchefs of yore. Chefs Naanis and Daadis.

The reluctant, nouveau YouTuber, the Bong bai, found herself spoilt for choice and spice. She was torn between celebrity chefs, torn between the ,multigrain malpua vs oats malpua and their sundry cousins. Her social media-unfriendly faculties struggled between the YouTube babble and the tawa ‘n’ ladle. Alas! attempts at digitally doing a malpua multigrain, in this season of rain, went in vain. For, the culinary experiment churned off the hot tawa resembled neither the geographical maps of Punjab nor Bengal, but a disastrously dense South American or South African continent!

Other monsoon must-haves also signal that our monsoon experience has been taken over by Twitterverse, for better or worse.

Thanks to Digital India’s Instagrammers and YouTubers, the humble jamun (Blackberry), too, has been reinvented. The Jazzy Jamun Makeover comes dressed in nouveau nomenclatures like jamun cheesecake, jamun mousse, jamun mojito, jamun margarita, jamun papad and jamun sheera.

Ah, but there’s a catch. The reinvented jamun now doesn’t much come a la lost childhood’s clambering and catching off boughs, but in the boring baggy brownness of BlinkIt or Big Basket!