Random forays | Juggling relationships on life’s treadmill

Friendships too, even if they are usually without agendas, demand attention and care in order for them to continue to exist.

Our personal relationships are often the most fallible and precariously poised bonds of all. It takes time, patience, understanding, empathy, patience and constant nurturing to maintain a relationship over the years, whatever the nature of that link.

It is well known that those who have been married for decades have somehow managed to overlook the irritating and even supposedly inexcusable drawbacks in their spouses. (Shutterstock/Representative Image)

Thus, even one’s parents, siblings and children need continual attention, care and communication in order for them to feel loved and cared for. Very often, they are the ones whom we take for granted and we overlook the fact that relationships can be like plants or trees that need regular watering, sunshine and oxygen in order to survive and flourish.

Friendships too, even if they are usually without agendas, demand attention and care in order for them to continue to exist. Yes, there are certain friendships which can last the test of time without flagging even if the persons concerned are not in touch for years. Childhood friends and school time chums are just as likely to pat one on the back after thirty years as they were back in those halcyon days.

A digital divide

But most human bonds are sensitive and subject to the sort of nourishment which emanates from love and a two-way appreciation of each other. There’s no doubt that the surge of technology and the mistaken impression that people of today have to be constantly busy, have led to impatient conversations and poor listening skills. But people have also become Netflix-oriented , by choice, in a way. They would rather binge before the idiot box and munch nachos while devouring a juicy scandal on the screen than listen to local gossip over coffee in a cafe.

Gossip is indeed one of the binding forces that used to develop closer friendships in college life. The fact that “so-and-so is “fraternizing” with such-and-such” would become the talking point of hundreds. But today, all the scandals happen on social media and all the gossip takes place there too. How then will relationships with real human beings be developed, when interactions are almost entirely on Instagram and the like?

Romantic and even marital synergies suffer the most in such brittle times. Breakups happen over WhatsApp, but then link ups too happen that way. Marriages are facing the brunt of fleeting attention spans, lack of appreciation of each other’s mindsets and even parental intolerance. But the main cause is the lack of wholesome and regular communication between spouses. Dates and outings which were so much looked forward to before the twosome tied the knot, become conspicuous by their absence once the nuptial rites take place. Or at least, once the honeymoon is over.

Slow down

The treadmill of a tizzy life then commences its unforgiving and unrelenting journey which leaves little time and space for people to take deep breaths and slow down. Smiles are often replaced by grimaces and tensions rise steadily. The reason why I bring this up is that the number of separations is increasing alarmingly in our society, especially in metropolitan cities.

The deadly cocktail of fast paced existences and lower levels of tolerance has resulted in dangerous flare ups and inexorable points of no return.

According to an article by the American Psychological Association, “the key to staying happily married, is to find a way to believe that one’s spouse is wonderful, and it is possible to do so by identifying and focusing on specific perceptions”. In other words, it is imperative that we focus on the sunshine elements of our partners than on their dark spots.

Look at the brighter side

It is well known that those who have been married for decades have somehow managed to overlook the irritating and even supposedly inexcusable drawbacks in their spouses. They have learnt to live and let live, to go with the flow and accept their loved ones for what they are.

Social media enabled alliances may prosper as well, if the dramatis personae would only learn to live in the real world. Being of forgiving nature while not allowing oneself to be steamrolled in any manner is probably one way to succeed in rearing a long-lasting partnership. When Sachin Tendulkar said in his retirement speech that his best partnership has been with his wife, I am sure he wasn’t joking. Life partners need to play for each other, after all, not just for themselves.

vivek.atray@gmail.com