Actors trolled for kissing kids on the lips: How appropriate is it? Experts weigh in

Experts talk about whether or not kissing child on the lips is good - not just for impression it creates in the society but also the child’s psyche.

After actor Chhavi Mittal posted a picture of her kissing son Arham on the lips, she came in for intense backlash on social media, with some terming it inappropriate, while some went to the extent of calling it child abuse. In the past, actors Shah Rukh Khan, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Saif Ali Khan and Ayesha Takia Azmi — and celebs in the West such as actor Hilary Duff and former singer Victoria Beckham have faced similar attacks. We speak to experts about the controversy and delve into social and psychological mores around it. Also, if it is healthy for the child, who inadvertently becomes a target of the trolls.

Chhavi Mittal posted a picture kissing son Arham on lips.

APPROPRIATE OR NOT

Psychologist Dr Divya Singh opines that though such acts of affection such as hugs and kisses are crucial to help children feel secure and loved, “it might sometimes lead to the child confusing personal boundaries and mistaking these acts to be something that can be easily practised with anyone.”

Another Deepika Singh says she does not kiss her child on the lips, but feels it’s okay if other parents want to do it with their children. “Every mother has a different expression of love and it’s pure. I like to hug my child and show affection if a different way and that’s also fine.”

Dr Surbhi Singh, activist and founder of the NGO Sachhi Saheli asserts that whether or not the act of kissing kids on the lips is appropriate, is a very subjective matter. “Some might find it okay, while others may call it inappropriate. Having said that, I feel love that a mother and a father holds for a child is the purest. I know we hear cases about a father sexually assaulting a child every now and then, but such cases are one in hundred or thousand. If you will not even trust the parents, who else can you trust. We can’t be questioning the relation a parent and a child shares. We can’t be putting thought in children’s mind that every father is a molestor, and every mother’s love is maligned. We need to be positive in our approach,” she shares.

DOES IT AFFECT THE CHILD

Consultant psychologist Dr Pragya Lodha highlights how an act of love by the parents and sharing it on social media might lead to bigger problems. “Our society is divided into several socio-economic classes and what’s ‘appropriate’ for one can be ‘uncultured’ for another. This increases the risk of child facing harsh remarks when he/she steps out in the real world. So parents, who are okay posting their kids on social media, need to be prepared for situations like these and also prepare the child to deal with any kind of harassment or bullying from peers, if it happens at all,” explains Lodha, as she points out how chances of getting bullied and harassed, in turn triggering the child has become very common nowadays owing to the college and school setups.

THE CONSENT QUESTION

The question remains of the child’s privacy being compromised. Should consent be taken by children before acting a certain way or posting photos like these? Dr Lodha says, “If pictures of a child, who is a minor, is being posted, then the question of consent does not arise. Consent has to be there but in intimate relationships, especially between a child and a parent, it’s automatically considered consent.”

It may be argued that a child may find it hard to express discomfort — in this case, both with the kissing and the posting of pictures online.

“As parents, we sometimes assume that no matter what we do out of love, our child will feel comfortable with it. We do not bother to take consent,” says social activist Pallabi Ghosh, adding, “Such acts may not come under physical abuse, but it’s definitely psychological abuse, where you make the child do things that you wish.”

Amid all this, Mittal explains how she takes and acknowledges consent in her own way. “I post pictures with my son Arham but not my daughter Areeza. She stops me as she is not comfortable. She is just 10 though and I respect her choice, her sentiments. And if Arham grows up and says, I do not want to be part of your videos..or social media, I will be happy to respect his feelings. But I know my equation with my children. If I am posting them and tomorrow, they come up to me and feel that I have compromised their privacy, I think I will be far better equipped at handling it,” says the actor.

The question of hygiene

Dr Divya Singh mentions that for very young children, like infants, it’s, of course unsanitary. “That’s another major aspect that one needs to understand that we can put infants in danger by these practices. So for very young children, infants, in all, of course, it’s unhealthy, unsanitary, not appropriate at all.”

But Mittal questions, “if kissing my child is unsanitary, what about breastfeeding?”. She goes on, “As far as hygiene is concerned, babies should not be allowed to breastfeed. What are you talking about? This is ridiculous.”

As Mittal wraps up, she says, “being so critical of a parent’s love towards his/her child is ‘what’s inappropriate’. I am a certified Steiner educator and I believe till the age of seven, you as a parent as responsible to inculcate a sense of security in your child and that comes from touch. As far as good and bad touch is concerned, the education happens after the age of 7. Before that, it’s the responsibility of a parent to take care of the child.”