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Disappoint your friends who call you a one-woman-man

As someone who beat the great Boris Spasky and Bobby Fischer playing black, it’s time I know a thing or two about chess. Now in chess terms, your opening gambit was wrong. Cyrus Broacha writes...

entertainment Updated: May 21, 2012 15:12 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times

I am a 21-year-old boy. Two months ago, I fell in love with my 18-year-old neighbour. My work schedule is hectic, so I don’t get the time to meet or even see her very often. I was wondering how I can approach her or attract her attention. I messaged her on Facebook. She replied asking me why I’ve suddenly started messaging her. Please help.
— Jaysan

As someone who beat the great Boris Spasky and Bobby Fischer playing black, it’s time I know a thing or two about chess. Now in chess terms, your opening gambit was wrong. You don’t rush to Facebook. While its true that this site can solve about 78 per cent of the world’s problems, it can’t do 100 per cent. You seemed to have startled her. Lay low for a while and then begin again, and this time, just with normal greetings. In cricketing terms, I urge you to ‘castle’ for now. You know what they say, “Chess wasn't built in a day.”

I am 20 and I’ve just graduated. I’ve been dating a girl for the last one-and-half years. She is very dominating, which I don’t like. Of late, she has become very irritating too. I'm a very traditional person and all my friends call me a 'one-woman-man'. I want to break up with my girlfriend, but I'm afraid that everyone will start calling me a 'player'. I don't want to tarnish my image. Please help.
— Kanhaiya Maheshwary

It’s great to finally meet a man who makes all his decisions based on what his friends think of him. I suppose it would be worse — you could be part of a terrorist call — so let’s keep things in perspective. She’s dominating; you feel bullied and need to move on; but you can't. Disappoint your friends who call you a ‘one-woman -man’ (also known as Doberman). I think you already have the answer. Just tell your friends what you’ve just told me and they'll continue governing your life. And
yes, God help your next girlfriend.

I am a 26-year-old guy. RecentlyI met a girl through an arranged marriage proposal. But she rejected me because I am overweight. The problem is that now I’m obsessed with her. I often call her, but she doesn’t pick up her phone. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide, as I love her a lot. Please help me.
— Sukhwant D

Sukhwant, I know it’s tough not to take things personally. But don’t. She doesn’t like you the way you are, and in the words of Robert De Niro in Godfather ll: ‘Forget about it’. One-sided love affairs are very hard to deal with, and believe you me, I’ve tried it. I’d suggest you to be grateful that she didn't waste your time, and now you please don’t waste hers. Enjoy the arranged marriage market. Shop around and find a car you feel comfortable in.

I am a 27-year-old gym instructor and I am quite popular with the opposite sex. A few months ago, I met a rich woman in her late 40’s. We had a torrid affair with regular sex. Recently, about a month ago, I was training another woman in her early 20s. We became good friends and ended up having sex. Now I’ve got to know that this girl is the daughter of the older woman. Surprisingly, the mother has come to know about the affair and wants me to continue with both of them. Should I continue doing so or shall I end the affairs?
— Gymmy Guy

Mr. Marlon Brando, you’re actually living every man’s dream. I really don’t know how to help you, except by offering to switch places. You’ve put two of my favourite things in one sentence — gym and women. I suggest you keep going and look at the bright side. With so much cardio activity outside the gym, you can spend all your energy on the free weights. Thus, everybody benefits. So go on, give us one more rep.

Just write to uncle cy
And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

First Published: May 21, 2012 12:33 IST