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Dowry debate: Look out for the red flags in marriage, stay safe
As per a recent data, India recorded 5,737 deaths in 2024 in cases linked to dowry harassment, domestic abuse. The passing away of Twisha Sharma and Deepika Nagar, this month, have resurfaced discussions on the need to provide support to women facing harassment, domestic abuse in marriages. Lawyers, activists, and medical practitioner list the red flags and suggest preventive measures.
Twenty days into May 2026, and the month has recorded cases of two notorious deaths including Bhopal’s Twisha Sharma and Greater Noida’s Deepika Nagar. While 33-year-old Twisha was found hanging at her in-laws home, 25-year-old Deepika allegedly jumped from a rooftop following prolonged torture. Add to this, in August last year, 28-year-old Nikki Bhati was reportedly burnt alive by her husband and in-laws while the attack was video recorded by the victim’s sister. According to the data released by the National Crime Records Bureau, on May 6, India recorded 5,737 dowry deaths in 2024, which calculates to death of nearly 16 women every day in cases linked to dowry harassment, domestic abuse or suspicious deaths after marriage.
“Earlier we would get cases where after 15 or 20 years into marriage such discords would come to light. But now, three or five months into marriage and we are hearing such cases everyday,” shares women’s rights activist Brinda Adige, director of Global Concerns India. She adds that the rise in cases mean that we need to start talking about the issue of dowry deaths very starkly as “our daughters are not safe”.
‘You can’t love someone if you don’t respect them’
It, therefore, becomes imperative to know what are the red flags that one must keep a check on. “First red flag is the controlling nature; seeing the phone while discharging its wire or asking for its password is something that happens but we don’t talk about it. Second is the social life being controlled; which doesn’t mean you are stopped from partying but even questioned about who you are speaking with on the phone and why. The third is isolation as the circle of abuse moves from inner to outer and the fourth is when it comes to how you dress up. There was a case of abuse where a wife applied perfume and the husband broke the bottle saying ‘Why do you need to apply, you aren’t going anywhere’. Financial independence is the final red flag, as becomes the last few areas of control besides the anger, insult and silent treatment that is meted out. It must be noted that you can’t love someone if you don’t respect them as both are two sides of the same coin,” says Adige, adding, “It’s one life and you are meant to live it!”
‘Don’t go for divorce, but at least bring your daughter to your place’
“Whenever there is a cry from a girl, who says ‘Save me’, typically people ask her to adjust. But this is the red flag for the parents of the girl to first and immediately remove her from the in-laws house. Don’t go for divorce, but at least bring her to your place,” opines advocate Mrunalini Deshmukh. The divorce and family lawyer adds that in case of a cry, “It’s important to bring your daughter to your house, calm her, and make her feel comfortable. Then you can decide what is the next step to take. Besides, specifically in Twisha Sharma’s case, the red flag was how the situation kept going out of control and it does not mean the near wear and tear of marriage but how the situation kept getting difficult. Also, in families where the young live with the elders, it’s the duty of the elders to guide the youngsters rather than reprimand them.”
‘Don’t ignore when you sense danger’
“Also, girls must know that abuse should be stopped right at the start and not wait till it comes to a point that you lose yourself,” feels advocate Vandana Shah, elucidating on the red flags, “Don’t ignore it when you sense danger, and don’t get fooled by the public persona. The red flags are completely non negotiable and when you spot these then please walk away. Girls should please not think that ‘When I get married, I will change it’ because it doesn’t change! For instance, consumption of drugs is banned in India; so you could call the cops if you see your partner on drugs. Dowry is outlawed but it’s still prevalent directly or indirectly. And when it’s indirect then it’s all the more severe. Especially in arranged marriages, people don’t disclose a lot of facts and feel shaadi ke baad cheezein badal jaati hain. But, it doesn’t happen.” ‘Practice emotional independence for well-being’Sharing how cases (such as Deepika’s and Twisha’s) disturb many people, Dr Munia Bhattacharya, senior consultant psychology at Marengo Asia Hospitals in Gurugram, says, “Many women silently recognise parts of their own lives in these stories... Maybe society needs to stop asking, ‘What is wrong with her?’ And start asking, ‘What has she been living through all this time?” Also, people often forget that the human mind does not collapse overnight. Emotional exhaustion builds slowly. Constant criticism, disrespect, manipulation, comparisons, silent treatment, or being made to feel unwanted can deeply affect a person’s mental health. Anxiety, depression, panic, low self-worth, emotional numbness — these are sometimes the psychological consequences of living too long in an emotionally unsafe space.” “If stuck in such a situation, must take small steps everyday for your well-being such as practising emotional independence,” advises Dr Bhattacharya, adding, “Initially, you would have to force and command your brain to fake feel that I’m happy, but slowly you will learn to not depend your happiness and sadness on those who you love and will start feeling happy for yourself.”
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