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Ask the Expert: I am not confident

I don't know why but when I start spending time with any of my friends, I kind of become like them. Submit your query
PTI | By HT Correspondent
UPDATED ON NOV 08, 2006 02:58 PM IST

Our expert, clinical psychologist Seema Sharma, answers your queries - from relationship problems to pressures in school and colleges, complexes that you might develop or battling peer pressure and the intense competition - reach out to our expert.

I don't know why but when I start spending some time with any of my friends, I kind of become like them. I mean my actions, way of speaking, my views just become like theirs.

I know its quite normal but its normal to a limit. Due to this, I don't have my own point of view. I'm really confused; I can't take decision of my own even if it could prove better than what other persons would have thought.
I want to be a confident person who can take his own decision but every now and then I look for some benchmark for taking any small or big decisions.

I'm really depressed due to this as it is causing me to hate myself when I'm not able to decide on even small things on my own.

Sex: Male

The situation that you have described is the beginning of an effective communication process. The first phase of effective listening is characterised by listening to totality i.e. synthesis. You seem to be doing that well. You need to evolve the second phase, i.e. analysis. It is not a lack, which you have to fight with; rather you have to gear up for the second step knowing that you have successfully cleared the first level.

You seem to have an understanding approach to discussion. It is a healthy approach. And do remember that not all the time we can be different or novel. If we are in the company of like-minded people or if we are not discussing on volatile themes, it is natural not to have too many differences of opinion.

While taking decisions all of us are influenced by others, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. This should never be taken as negative. Even if you realize that a particular decision is someone else's influence, the voice should be yours and the effect of the decision should be looked into well. It should be an effective result. If that is the case, how does it matter, who influenced you.

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